Moonraker (1979) - Lewis Gilbert
The Plot
Finally, a Bond film I remember watching when I was a runt (or when I was old enough to go to the movies). Piggybacking on the Star Wars craze and global interest for NASA's Space Shuttle program, the Bond thinktank wanted to put something out along those lines and still make it an 007 film. Ian Fleming's original Moonraker novel had a rocket aimed at London - way too tame for the times. Why not have a madman build an armada of space shuttles (all suspiciously looking like the late Columbia), and his own space station in orbit, ready to annihilate the world? Now that sounds like a plan.
Grade: A-
Locales
California, Venice, Brazil, and where else, of course, but ... outer space!!!
Grade: A-
The Man
Roger Moore
Moore is Bond more than ever here, although you can see his age. grappling with bad guys on the bondinho 600 ft above the ground? not bad for a 50 year old.
Grade: A-
The Villain(s)
Hugo Drax (Michael Lonsdale) - Why do Bond villains always seem to be an unhinged wealthy billionaire? Just goes to show, money ain't everything, kids. Even Bill Gates realized that in the last few years. Anyway, the menacing-sounding Drax, a cultured industrialist has a Noah complex where he wants to repopulate the Earth with better stock. How would he do that? Simple - build a fleet of space shuttles to ferry the chosen people to a hidden space station above the Earth, then destroy the Earth. Wait a sec. How the hell did he build the space station? Shouldnt that mean he already had those shuttles to bring workers and material up there, no? And you think you can just launch shuttles into space without the Superpowers knowing? Apparently, that's what happened cause the freaking CIA, MI-6 and KGB were caught napping, and had no clue a extinction-level threat was being constructed just above us. Yeah. Military intelligence is such an oxymoron.
"I inspired a Marvel Comics character ... Drax The Destroyer! Worship Me!"
Jaws (Richard Kiel) - on a child's suggestion (the director's nephew), the question was raised: 'why can't Jaws be a good guy?' Why not, indeed. The popularity of Kiel's character made the powers-that-be hold off on "offing" him in the last installment, but in bringing him back, they made him a caricature. He has several (failed) encounters with Bond in the film, and all of them proving to be of the Roadrunner vs Coyote kind. I mean, he could have held a "Goodbye!" sign, suspended in air, before he plunged into a waterfall. And as if that wasn't enough, they gave the giant a heart. A HEART!!! I take back all what I said last time about him being a badass. Yutz.
should evoke Beauty and the Beast if it weren't so creepy
Chang (Toshiro Suga) - If your butler can operate a G-Force machine, that is one highly-recruited butler. And he knows martial arts too. Wait, he's not a freaking butler.
that Asian moustache and 'do is soooooo 70s
Grade: B
The Girl(s)
Holly Goodhead (Lois Chiles) - the thing with Bond girls is that they never make a return appearance. After sticking it to the KGB girl last time, this time Bond makes an impression on the CIA (like he hasn't already with a dozen other spy agencies all over). Under the guise of a NASA scientist, Goodhead (eheh) infiltrates Drax industries (Drax doesnt even know. He builds killer satellites but just like the clueless governments, he doesn't know what's going on under his nose.). Mixes it up with Bond, works with him later. Actually doesn't do much except get rescued. Oh yeah, she does pilot their shuttle (I knew she had a purpose somehow) to escape the Drax's exploding satellite. Can also claim to be the first to have sex with Bond in zero-gravity conditions.
"You rode Honey, you had Pussy Galore, but I give. Good. Head!"
Corinne Dufour (Corinne Clery) - a Bond villain always has an assistant - a pretty young (if dumb) thing that Bond can happily uh, pump for information. And you know Bond - he hits, he runs. Corinne runs, but not fast enough to get eaten by Drax's dogs.
Manuela (Emily Bolton) - MI-6 themselves, have pretty young things in every station because God forbid, Bond has to fall off his quota of pretty young things wherever he needs to save the world. This time, in Rio, Manuela stalks him, serves him a drink, acts as the tourist guide, plays the damsel in distress, and of course, offers other services not included in the MI-6 Employee Manual.
good luck on getting a good picture with one hand, girl
all the other chicks (multiracial babes) - the forerunner of the Fem-Bots in the Austin Powers series, these chicks were just meant to procreate a better generation of mankind. Riiiiight. Emphasis on the process of procreation.
Bond suddenly had visions of retiring in this paradise
Grade: B+
Gadgets
This is a space adventure (well, for the last 20 minutes anyway), so the toys are mostly for the big boys. Who doesn't want a satellite hidden from every human and electronic eye on earth? Who doesn't like a powerboat with an arsenal? A hang glider? A laser gun? Gimme!!!
Early and late in the film, Bond uses a dart gun which fires either an armor-piercing or poisoned projectiles. Despite what they show you, this is a one-trick pony because reloading is a bitch.
Bond also uses an exploding watch with a wire (I don't get it), a smaller version of his old safe cracker (the one he used in You Only Live Twice was like a boombox), and miniature camera - hmmm, I wonder how many megapixels did he get back in '79?
Again, Q shows off some goodies like a machine gun concealed inside a sombrero-wearing dummy, and an exploding bola (they were meeting in a Brazilian monastery - wtf?). He also has laser guns being tested then, but never arms Bond with it. When the US Marines invade Drax's satellite, both sides already had this shit, and lit up space in a game of Lazer Tag. It looks silly now, but back then, for a 7 year old, that was cool.
If Bond used more of Q's stuff, this would have merited a higher grade.
Grade: B+
Bond Moments
Now the pre-credits scene tops the last one. Bond gets kicked out of a plane without a chute, so he has to procure one from the guy who jumped out first. Problem is, Jaws is on his tail. Excellent camerawork - I think this exposed skydiving to the masses.
Excellent action scenes especially with the battle on the Sugarloaf bondinho (cable car), high above Rio de Janeiro, and the powerboat chase through the Amazon. We never see Bond's powerboat go down through the waterfalls though.
A huge mascot closes in on Manuela in a dark alley, revealing himself as Jaws before attempting to do a Dracula on her. Too bad that was the only veneer of menace he showed during the movie.
you get points if you know how this Man is involved in the Bond mythos
The slow reveal of Drax's satellite ... this is a nod to the Death Star. Still, I think the satellite was left behind by Drax's alien paymasters. nyuknyuknyuk.
Bond films become officially a product placement vehicle.
Grade: A-
One Liners
Drax: Why did you break up the encounter with my pet python?
Bond: I discovered it had a crush on me.
Q: Be careful, will you? Now, there's ten darts: five blue-tipped, armor-piercing; five red-tipped, cyanide-coated, causing death in thirty seconds.
Bond: Very novel, Q. Must get them in the stores for Christmas.
Jaws: Here's to us.
WHAAAAA-?!?! He speaks!!!
Bond: What was that for?
Holly: For saving my life.
Bond: Remind me to do it more often!
(Goooooooaaaaaaaaaaaallllll!!!!)
Drax: Allow me to introduce you to the airlock chamber. Observe, Mr Bond, your route from this world to the next. And the treacherous Dr Goodhead; your desire to become America's first woman in space will shortly be fulfilled.
(Exhibit A: Talky Villain Stereotype. Bond should've kicked his ass on "airlock".)
Drax: You missed, Mr. Bond.
(Drax's sniper falls from a tree)
Bond: Did I?
But the best line goes to Q ...
Minister of Defense: My God! What's Bond doing?
Q: I think he's attempting re-entry, sir.
Everybody then ran out of theaters, looking for ways to have zero-gravity sex.
Grade: A-
Overall
Making the decision to capitalize on the sci-fi craze instead of pushing out the next scheduled Bond film, producer Cubby Brocolli reaped huge profits from what could have been a low budget B-movie if it didn't have the 007 name. Roger Moore was at his peak (despite being on the wrong side of 50) and the franchise was going strong. They just dropped the ball when, instead of having a recurring Blofeld-like villain worthy of Bond, they decided to neuter Jaws.
To conclude, I leave you with these:
preciooooouuuuuuusssssss ....
Grade: B+
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