For Your Eyes Only (1981) - John Glen
The Plot
The Brits' mobile encyption device for firing control of their submarine missiles has been lost in Greek waters - because some wiseass chose to operate out of a fishing boat, which "accidentally" bumps into a mine, which sinks the whole thing, and causes panic in jolly olde England. The circumstances of the sinking are a little hazy; suffice to say it catapults James Bond into a race to find the device, against the big bad Russian Bear. Wait, Russia can't dirty their hands with this foul deed, they need proxies. That comes in the form of a Greek crime lord who's going to sell it to the Soviets anyway. The whole "device plot" gets forgotten for 3/4ths of the film, while Bond runs around tracking the crime lord ... instead of just looking for the device directly. No, of course not, he has to flirt with women in at least 3 countries before he finally earns his paycheck.
Grade: B
Locales
Ionian/Aegean seas, the outskirts of Madrid, northern Italy, Greece, Albania
Grade: B
The Man
Roger Moore
Less quips, more romancing. He seems like a skunk in reverse, everyone gets attracted to him (MI-6 probably issues a press release before he arrives in a city, complete with CV and data sheet). Good thing he doesn't look like his real age at this point. But can you imagine the real-life groupies?
Bond rehearsing for the Mary Poppins role for London's West End
Grade: B
The Villain(s)
Ernst Blofeld (John Hollis) - Screw the legal implications - I'm naming him ... that guy is Blofeld. Bald man. White Cat on lap. Yeah, its Dr. Evil. Hoping for one last shot at Bond, he gets full glory in one of the best opening scenes of a Bond film. Bond scoops his wheelchair with the helicopter skids and dumps him down a factory chimney. But wait, we didn't see what happened to the cat. One day, the cat will take revenge on Bond. Hah.
Hector Gonzales (Stefan Kalipha) - Hispanic hitman hired to kill a Greek archeologist, who was helping the Brits recover their precious device. Uhm, why not wait till the Greek actually found the sunken remains of the St Georges, before offing him? For being a moron, he gets an arrow in the back, courtesy of the archeologist's little girl.
Aristotle Kristatos (Julian Glover) - Greek crime lord who's like any of those dictators and drug lords coddled by the US in the 80's. Wants to sell shit to whoever can pay. A regular pimp. Pretends he doesn't know anything about James Bond; likes to think he's clever. If he was anywhere within the range of "clever", he should have just killed Bond instantly instead of dragging him behind his powerboat for kicks. What is he, 12?
Emile Leopold Locque (Michael Gothard) - Paid enforcer/assassin who hires other assassins to do dirty work. Nevertheless, gets his comeuppance when Bond kicks a car off a cliff, with him inside.
Eric Kriegler (John Wyman) - Mr. KGB Man trying to make sure the sale of the device goes through with Kristatos. A Nietszche type, displays his athletic skills and strength at various encounters with Bond, but never saves him when he falls through the window over a cliff. Loser.
do I look like a smuggler? a hairdresser, maybe!
Grade: B
The Girl(s)
Melina Havelock (Carole Bouquet) - Mr and Mrs Havelock's only child is a witness when they get mowed down by the same pilot who brought her for a visit. This means war! She suddenly becomes an expert marksman, taking baddies down with her crossbow (hey, it could have been her hobby). Bouquet doesn't have the same radiance and appeal of Bond girls past, but she gets to utter those famous 4 words.
Bibi Dahl (Lynn-Holly Johnson) - Figure skating prodigy who hits on anything remotely male-looking. Swear to God. Bond even has to rein in his hornydog instincts and pass on the honeypie. Along with her God-awful choices in men (badass jocks, Bond), she also has bad taste for sponsors - Greek crimelords. This darned Electra complex is giving me a headache.
yep, that's right. showing your ass to your sleazy guardian will convince him to let you go.
Countess Lisl von Schlaf (Cassandra Harris) - posing as an Austrian countess and as a spurned woman of Milos Columbo (Topol - Dr. Hans Zarkov in Flash Gordon - who would eventually be exonerated as the "good" crimelord), she seduces Bond on Columbo's instructions but stylishly gets run over by a dune buggy driven by Locque. Strangely, Columbo never mourns her or mentions her afterwards.
so THAT'S how Mrs Brosnan died (ok that was low)
Trivia note: Harris is Pierce Brosnan's real-life wife, and had wished her husband would play the 007 role. She died in 1991, 4 years before Brosnan would officially don the mantle.
Grade: B+
Gadgets
Not much gadgets here, as Bond relies more on his skills as a ladies' man, uh, and his physical prowess (again, not bad for a 50 year old) to extricate himself from sticky situations. I think there was a lot more chases and fistfights here than in recent Bond outings.
Bond uses a kind-of digital watch that displays messages from MI6 HQ, but i doubt that would be helpful if he's preoccupied with women. Yep, it didn't.
Q as usual trots out a couple of beta-version gadgets - a spring-loaded fake plaster cast and a spiked-umbrella - which are never used.
The most interesting gadget is a 3D Identigraph, which is a precursor to today's facial recognition programs, used by Q to match Bond's description of the bad guy to existing databases.
They brought back the Lotus Esprit but it doesn't function more than an exploding car *lol*
Grade: C+
Bond Moments
What does it say about Bond, that barely-legal nubile figure skating prodigies throw themselves at him? Creeepy!
"I'm barely legal! So my racier scenes will end up only on the DVD!"
There are 3 great 'chase scenes' - the car chase through the hairpin turns on the hills in Madrid, the ski chase in Cortina taking them through a bobsledding track, and in the finale, where Kristatos drags a bound Bond and Melina through the water (and Bond only miraculously escapes by slicing the ropes through the corals and rocks).
The best moment is in a quiet room with Bond and Q attempting to identify Locque via the 3D Identigraph. Q is at his poker-faced best, messing with Bond as payback for the latter usually leaving his gadgets as spare parts throughout their history.
Grade: B
One Liners
(entering the confessional, in a church appropriated by MI-6)
Bond: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Q: That's putting things mildly, 007.
Bibi: Don't you like me?
Bond: Why, I think you're wonderful, Bibi ... But I don't think your uncle Ari would approve.
Bibi: Him? He thinks I'm still a virgin!
"You're a virgin?? ... Reaaaaaaaaaally ..."
"Ok, let's try this again ... you're a virgin. Wow. As in. Gosh. I am SO freaking out."
Melina: For your eyes only, darling...
Goooooaaaaaaaallll!!!
Grade: C+
Overall
The film starts strong, with a nod back to the past by having Bond visit his wife's grave, before getting into a life-and-death situation with a seemingly-resurrected Blofeld. The latter's death (for real this time) gives Bond closure and opens the door to the future (or just the 80's), where former 2nd unit director and editor John Glen would take the franchise for 5 installments. With another toning down of gadgetry, Bond has to rely more on his wits, closer again to Ian Fleming's original vision for the character. 007 takes a more serious tone here, after the campy excesses of Moonraker. It is this vein which will prove to be the defining strength for future Bond films, especially in the Timothy Dalton era and the earlier half of Brosnan's turn. As a bonus, Sheena Easton's rendition of the title track evokes emotions and praise as high as the ones generated by Nobody Does It Better, making it work both as a complement to the film and as a standout solo single.
"She thinks its for my eyes only ... I bet Q's zooming on this right now, hehe."
Grade: B
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