the house of m

my biological mom passed away when i was 9. my dad remarried soon enough, and for most of my life, i have called and considered his wife as "mom". born to a large family, it was quite controversial then that she married someone 20 years older (ah, you know how family is). if anything, that event made me a big brother - i had actually a sister and brother to call my own. that, i think, was the first time i had responsibility thrust onto me. and on through my early adult life, i've always had it with me; not always an easy thing to bear, but it certainly helped shaped me as to who i am. for this, i will always be grateful to her.

just like i gave a nod to my dad during his birthday, here's my version of props to my mom too.

Hardy Boy
having to "woo" a stepchild to build a future harmonious relationship, my parents went for the jugular - what would a 10 year old boy like me be interested in? Hardy Boys mystery books (i can hear the catcalls of "dork!!" somewhere out there). i used to read/collect the entire series, and at 25 pesos a pop, they weren't cheap back then. she probably was wondering how many books it would take to get 'my blessing' for their wedding. of course, i repaid those books by pouting thru the whole ceremony. if you look at all their wedding albums, yep, there's me, ornery like an old man, seemingly on a corner of every photo. sorry about that, mom.


Its a Bird, Its a Plane ... Its ... Spare Parts!
she will always remember this, and will never let me live it down. i had this model kit of a fighter jet, and as a young boy, you really don't have a lot of patience or dexterity, and even building one can be an achievement of sorts. there it was, on the top of my study table, poised to take to the skies ...

... until it came crashing down to the floor, a bunch of disconnected parts. yeah, my mom was cleaning furniture and the plane got knocked off its perch.

the conspiracy theory here is this was during her second pregnancy and i was the object of her period of 'paglilihi' - which can be somewhat described as the collection of cravings, fetishes and unreasonable wants during a woman's pregnancy. she wanted to beat my skinny ass, and she took that out on the plane instead. she promised the crying boy that she would replace the model plane, but she never did.

to this day, we look back fondly at this and share a good laugh.


Now You See It, Now You DOST
now this is one for the books. trying for a chance at a highly-coveted Department of Science and Technology scholarship through college (yes, to help my parents, but more for the prestige, hahahaha), i took the qualifying exams during the final year of my high school. needless to say, i was one of the two who earned it from my school. comes the hard part of the interview, traveling to the big city to meet the DOST people, who'll ultimately have the final say. my mom and i were nervous, because scholarships are more likely granted to poor but deserving kids, and while i may be deserving, we certainly didn't qualify for the poverty level. my dad was more confident, noting that 'they'll give it based on merit rather than income tax return statements'. my mom purposedly dressed down for the occasion (not that she always dresses up), just not to attract any attention to lifestyle and the like. and during the interview portion, i think she made a run for Best Actress. or Best Supporting Actress. she practically made me look like i wear hand-me downs, eat only one square meal a day (that might be lunch), but i had some brains that might make me a valuable contributor to Philippine society and an asset to the country.

next thing i knew, we were sending a telegram to my dad (yes, Virginia, there wasn't any email in those days): Tuition Problem Solved STOP Dont Sell The Carabao STOP. am kidding, but yeah, we sent a telegram that saved my dad a few years of college tuition (which he also construed to mean, not to send me lunch money as well). to his credit, he accurately predicted the outcome.

and my mom also made sure i still got lunch money somehow.


Have License, Will Drive
after obtaining a driver's license after college (yes, underhandedly ...), i never got around to using it until she made me. we used to have an old beat-up Toyota Tamaraw (which broke down on us more times than i can remember). i could drive around our town but never went on a long drive taking the highways. i was scared shitless. until one day she got me out of the house, told me to start the rickety vehicle and just drive. before i knew it, i crossed the provincial border, made it to Cabagan, a town fairly famous for its vamped-up pancit, and officially became the family driver (when my dad can't make it).

never drove in Manila, but that wasn't by choice. and no regrets.


Hard Knock Life, Vol. 1
after she left the bank she worked with for a good 10 years, my mom kind of drifted in terms of her career in the ensuing years. i can barely remember the various entrepreneurial ventures my parents indulged in, during the last few years of my college tenure. what i do remember is her selling insurance, and opening a shoe store near my sibs' school. selling shoes is no picnic. i've accompanied her on debt-collection trips due to people's bouncing checks that left us empty-handed. as for the insurance thing, she had the unfortunate experience of being scammed by her colleague in the trade. i wish life for her turned out to be better, but wishful thinking doesn't really get us anywhere. by all those sacrifices, my sibs can never say they went hungry during the lean years.


The IT Job
i mentioned before that my dad found the newspaper ad that led me to my first job in a software company, but it was my mom who provided the support for me to even march up there and take the interview. she was mistaken as an applicant too. but i think she was more excited for me than i was, when i got the job (that paid P6,500 monthly, before taxes - $1650 annually for conversion-happy readers). i will always remember my starting salary, if only because her being there for me. that foot in the door led me to many fruitful years in this company (which i am still with). aside from that, office birthdays were usually a grand affair - and my mom always made sure i brought different stuff (puto biñan, anyone?) from the usual, when it was my turn to feed the hyenas. i wonder how many of my officemates/ex-officemates remember those times.


Hard Knock Life, Vol. 2
with my sibs hitting high school and their college years on the distant-yet-incoming horizon, and career/earning opportunities not too bountiful in our town, my mom had to make the painful decision of leaving them behind with my dad, and take a gamble and find a job in the big city, along with me. it was a start-from-scratch thing - we didn't have our own place (our current abode in Muntinlupa was still a chunk of concrete amidst the tall grass), we barely made ends meet, given our starting level salaries. her first job was at a credit company in Robinson's Galleria, where to save on money, she mostly went to the same place in the foodcourt all the time, because they had the cheapest combo meals. i remember we were staying in this small ... let's just call it a room ... in Cubao... that had rats at night and the haughty landlord thought we were scamming him out of thousands of pesos if we were late with the rent. i mean, that just sucks. the best memory i had of that place was we got a big milkfish from the nearby Murphy market and had a nice inihaw na bangus for dinner. yes, mom, i remember that. we didn't have any chairs or a real table but we had bangus.


Laba, Kula, Plantsa, repeat
too often, we take our youth for granted, yearning to live free from the shadows of our parents, and explore the great unknown without their guiding hand. for myself, i had my share of rebelling and sojourns into mischief and mayhem, although if i look back at it now, it still seemed as if i can't compare it to any of the experiences of young people (that i know of and read about). your early 20s is typically spent having fun, hanging out with friends, consume amounts of alcohol, score with the opposite sex as often as you can - this is an offshoot of you ostensibly having a job to pay for your extracurricular expenses. but mostly i seem to remember doing laundry.

in the spirit of tough times back then (don't worry, there are still tough times to this day), i would feel somewhat guilty if i didn't help her out in the household chores. yes, we had our little washing machine, but my mom's old school, in terms of handwashing what needs to be handwashed. and there's the ironing thereafter. i learned the rudiments of ironing clothes from her. made it handy here in America, given that most Westerners don't seem to mind wearing rumpled clothing. and whenever i move to a new place in the last 7 years (be it a hotel or an apartment), one of the first things i check out, and have to have, is an ironing board. yes, that's my mom working through me.


Pride Chicken
it is with great pride that i hold my mom with high esteem in her steering clear of let's say, ... the instinct to accept easy money as it may appear in our lives. despite the aforementioned case with the DOST (hah! government bureaucrats pocket a lot more than they shelled out for my college education), we as a family, are not flush with liquidity and assets, and this can get so frustrating at times. but despite the options to ... live the easy life with wealth that can never be hard-earned, or to even say morally obtained, my mom avoided this trap, even living from paycheck to paycheck, and with the ever-present debts - i would know, because we did it together. oftentimes, i wish she doesn't have to go through that, that at her age, i wish i could do more to let her live a bit more comfortably, and not worry about daily expenses. no such luck yet, but our favorite phrase is "God will provide." so far, it gets us by.


Weight For Me
no, i am not talking about someone's body mass and the gravitational force acting upon it. i am touching upon the burdens of everyday life, and also the not-so-everyday. since my dad had a stroke last year, it has reset the status quo and it has been up to my mom to care for him, at the same time juggling her career, two young adult children starting up the ladder of life, and two households. she has superbly managed to somehow fill my dad's shoes in running his school, and some of his ability to schmooze with relatives on my dad's side. considering that she encountered some frowns and skepticism as to her sudden role as the new wife and a stepmother - and with this latest colorful event in our lives - i would like to think she's proving them all wrong and doing it with flying colors.


happy golden birthday, mom! God will provide!