a violent history means you're doomed

if its a rainy weekend, it means we must go again to the cineplex and stick it to the hollywood gay mafia!

Doom
Andrzej Bartkowiak
The Rock cements his action star status by snagging a major role in Doom, the movie version of the game that justified teen boys having PCs. Actually, for me that would be Wolfenstein, but i guess Rock won't pass for badass Nazi-obliterating Jew BJ Blazkowicz. But eschewing the hordes-from-Hell angle, they play it straight up as a science project gone awry (which actually makes sense). And instead of making the Rock's character a cartoon, he was a better fit here as a ... let's just say it's way better than Scorpion King (in The Mummy Returns, not his solo movie). I think he still has too much dialogue for his own good, but there's a sequence where he squeaks "am not supposed to die...!" that reminded me of another cartoonish action star, Steven Seagal, when he gets sucked out in the stratosphere in Executive Decision (this remains one of his two - only! - best screen roles, the other being a lovable rogue chef in Under Siege). For muscle-bound action stars, directors should play to their strengths, not let them blabber all over the place. Other things to like: Karl Urban still having an Eomer hangover, sarcastic military guys (plug: watch Jarhead), and hello again, Rosamund Pike. What not to like? The only Asian member of Rock's Marines becomes headless early, and the BFG does not get fired enough. Its the BFG! The friggin BFG, dammit. Incredibly, this is the first Bartkowiak film that does not include DMX (nyhahahahaha - look it up).

A History of Violence
David Cronenberg
What do you do when your best-kept secrets are no longer such and come back to haunt you? Apparently, David Cronenberg knows. Well, at least for people like smalltown diner owner Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen), who seems to be a Philly gangsta named Joey Cusack in another life. An isolated violent incident attracts the attention of one Carl Fogarty (a scarred and menacing Ed Harris), who seems amused that Tom/Joey has no memory of his past life at all. You keep wondering, is he the wrong guy? Is he amnesiac? And then the audience bursts into smug "a-ha"s when all is revealed. Since this is an R-rated film (it is Cronenberg after all), sex and violence (duh) abound, and Mortensen is perfect as a man running away from his past (i thought he was the King of Middle Earth?). The presence of the always-fetching Maria Bello is gravy, and William Hurt has a brief but meaty role as a crime boss.

After this brouhaha during the premiere of this movie months ago:


I think I will ignore that and applaud Cronenberg and this film, which was adapted from a graphic novel (search, search). Also made me put Shivers and eXistenZ on my rental queue. Crash? its about car crashes, sex, car crashes, sex, car crashes, sex. I'll take a pass.


Hmm ... that's two movies with LOTR links ... interesting.