James Bond DVD collection review #5. After Thunderball, the next Bond would have be really really good to top its predecessor. Lewis Gilbert, fresh off Alfie, followed the revered Terence Young's footsteps and directed You Only Live Twice. Set in Japan, it was more of a convenient concession to Japanese fans, and would prove to be Sean Connery's final Bond movie (or so he thought at that time). It doesn't really match the heights set by the two previous Bond films, possibly because the scope was a bit ambitious and it was hard to keep all the plot elements together (screenplay was written by Roald Dahl but hey, thats not a knock on him - he's a children's author, for cripes sake). Nevertheless, it's still an entertaining ride - veering off to the campy side a bit, but entertaining.

You Only Live Twice (1967) - Lewis Gilbert
The Plot
SPECTRE, having demonstrated that they can hijack planes, go on and top themselves by hijacking space shuttles (well, those teeny ones that would eventually get to the moon - Columbia was still a twinkle in some NASA geek's eye). Oh wait, they hijack both US and Russian spacecraft, ostensibly to create a shooting war, if they don't get shown the money (no excuse for not thinking big). What's next - steal planets? With their technology, they could have gotten to the moon 2 years ahead of everyone else. Meanwhile, Bond is sleeping with the fishes (for about 15 minutes).
Grade: A

Locales
Hong Kong, Tokyo, Kobe, and some volcano island between Japan and Shanghai .
Grade: B+

The Man
Sean Connery. Visibly tired of his Bond persona and the notoriety it generated, this is his swan song. He was due for an encore later though.
Grade: A-

The Villain(s)
Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance) - finally, Dr. Evil, er ... SPECTRE #1 has a face. And he has insane amounts of money (wait - he didn't get the ransom money for his past 2 shenanigans, did he?) to throw around, creating a complete rocket base hidden inside a volcano. How the hell did this happen? Is no one monitoring anything anymore? What th-?

A full array of SPECTRE thugs, soldiers, and flunkies. All of whom are spectacularly useless when trying to kill Bond.
Grade: B+

The Girl(s)
Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi) - Knowing in advance Bond's proclivities, the Japanese secret service roll out their sexiest agent to follow him around (and to have him chase her too). This one's no Michelle Yeoh, as she doesn't kick butt much, and gets poisoned while sleeping.

Kissy Suzuki (Mie Hama) - Knowing in advance Bond's proclivities, the Japanese secret service roll out their 2nd sexiest agent - to "marry" Bond for undercover purposes. She understands its just "business." Doesn't do much either except follow Bond around, usually in skimpy attire. She isn't even called by her name throughout the film.

Helga Brandt (Karin Dor) - Apparently is #11, in the SPECTRE organization. Tries to have her cake and eat it too, but as it turns out, Blofeld's piranhas have the final say on the menu.

Ling (Tsai Lin) - Bond's uh, last meal before he "dies".
Grade: A-

Gadgets
The much-ballyhooed gadget here would be the gyrocopter, a small one-man chopper that's fully armed and able to take down 4 bigger and better 'copters. 'Nuff said.

There's also this cigarette rocket, though from the Japs and not Q, that's useful for a condemned man's last wish, should he want to prolong his life.
Grade: B+

Bond Moments
Bond gets killed and is accorded a formal naval funeral.

To blend in the scenery, Bond undergoes an extreme makeover to become ... a Japanese. Yep.

Riding "Little Nellie" (the gyrocopter), Bond takes out 4 armed SPECTRE choppers. Sure.

Bond tries to entice Helga into splitting the money. Helga thinks about it and agrees. Goes to bed with him (Gooooooooooaaaal!!). Tries to kill him the next day anyway. Talk about bad dates.

Trapped in a crashing plane, Bond breaks free, regains control and crash-lands to safety. This scene they one-upped in Goldeneye.

How does SPECTRE hijack spacecraft? By building a bigger one and "swallowing" its victims. This must have been the inspiration for Pac-Man.
Grade: A-

One Liners
Bond: Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
Ling: You think we better, huh?
Bond: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian caviar.
Ling: Darling, I give you very best duck.

Tiger Tanaka: It can save your life, this cigarette.
Bond: You sound like a commercial.

(on learning that Kissy won't be sleeping with him for the night)
Bond: Well, i won't need these. (pushes aside his oyster dinner)
Grade: B

Overall
The ambitious scope is derailed when it regresses into a chop suey kungfu movie, with exuberant and stupid thugs, and ninjas.
Grade: B+

"I must have him ... tonight! Before that bitch Kissy shows up!"


"He's mine! Mine! I'm going to poison that slut Aki, and he'll be all mine!"

James Bond DVD collection review #4. After a breather, Thunderball marks Terence Young's return to the franchise, but it was also his last Bond outing. Clearly at the top of his game, and having nothing left to prove, Young's Thunderball (with its groundbreaking underwater cinematography) would smash worldwide box-office records and truly cement James Bond as a pop culture icon. Ian Fleming had no idea how his creation was going to turn out.

Thunderball (1965) - Terence Young
The Plot
SPECTRE bares its fangs anew, as a British jet carrying 2 nuclear missiles is daringly hijacked. With the British and US governments faced to pay the ransom (yes they think big, don't they?), Bond must find the bombs quickly, assuming he can tear himself away from all the female distractions.
Grade: A

Locales
Eure-et-Loir, France; Nassau, Bahamas. And mostly underwater.
Grade: A-

The Man
Sean Connery. Eschewing the Beatles in Goldfinger, Connery becomes a Beatle, garnering unwanted global adulation (thus sparking the papparazzi revolution.
Grade: A

The Villain(s)
Emilio Largo (Adolfo Celi) - eyepatch-wearing #2 in the SPECTRE org, plans and executes the hijacking operation. Owes his success for being a hands-on manager. Spoofed by Robert Wagner ("Number Two") in Austin Powers series.

Jacques Bouvar (Bob Simmons) - SPECTRE #6, whose opening "funeral" doesn't fool Bond at all and is dispatched to the grave minutes after, for real this time.

Of course, the mysterious pussy-stroking (*lol*) #1 makes an appearance, by chairing a SPECTRE meeting and makes a point by eliminating a wayward #9 for fund embezzlement.
Grade: A

The Girl(s)
Domino Derval(Claudine Auger) - Largo's kept woman, but of course you know Bond keeps stealing his enemy's chicks. One of the best Bond girls. Auger was Ms France 1958.

Fiona Volpe (Luciana Paluzzi) - beautiful and deadly SPECTRE assassin. Managed to seduce Bond (like that's difficult). Also managed to get shot in the back while dancing. Oh you poor dear.

Patricia Fearing (Molly Peters) - health farm masseuse. Owns one of the two sexy scenes in this movie.

Paula Caplan (Martine Beswick) - Bond's female assistant in Nassau. Heh. Nothing happened. I swear. 60's sexpot Beswick has the distinction of appearing in 3 of the first 4 Bond films, though this was her most prominent role.
Grade: A

Gadgets
The jetpack (I seem to recall this was going to be reused in a later Bond film) used to gain entrance to and provide escape from Bouvar's mansion.

Leave it to Q to arrange for some suitable and coincidentally-necessary gadgets for the mission at hand. Geiger counter watch (and camera), underwater infrared camera, mini breathing apparatus, and underwater jet pack. The Aston Martin doesn't get much screen time.
Grade: B

Bond Moments
From the moment Bond meets Domino, you know they're gonna hook up. But underwater? Allegedly, they were gonna shoot some uh, wardrobe floating up after they hide behind a rock, but instead it became a massive burst of bubbles. Goooooaaaaaaaaal!

Bond, trapped in the pool, is missed all those golden grotto sharks, supposedly the deadliest of the species.

After being shot in the leg, Bond manages to elude Fiona and the thugs until he is trapped on the dance floor. Still he's able to grab a dance with Fiona and use her as a shield (of course, she's shot)...

... this, after scoring on her in his hotel room, and tells her later she wasn't all that. Nyahahaha. Gooooooooooaaaal!!
Grade: A-

One Liners
(after killing a Largo henchman with a speargun)
Bond: I think he got the point.

Ms. Moneypenny: In the conference room. Something pretty big. Every 00 man in Europe has been rushed in. And the Home secretary too.
Bond: His wife probably lost her dog.

Q (on his gadgets): It is to be handled with special care!
Bond: Everything you give me ...
Q: ... is handled with equal contempt. I know!
Grade: A-

Overall
The daring plot, combined with then-revolutionary underwater scenes, make this a winner.
Grade: A-


"let me peek at his digicam ... why - that Bond pervert!"

my first suits. two. yay.

James Bond DVD collection review #3. Terence Young took a break and handed the 007 reins to Guy Hamilton. Goldfinger became the quintessential Bond film, and definitely one of best in the series. Bond though, hardly breaks a sweat here, as he gets lucky (in more than one sense) breaks all throughout the story.

Goldfinger (1964) - Guy Hamilton
The Plot
Multibillionaire businessman with affinity for gold wants a lot more gold, so he plans to break into Fort Knox. But its much more ingenious, ambitious and complicated than that. Yes, the Red Chinese are involved.
Grade: A

Locales
Miami, Geneva, Kentucky.
Grade: B

The Man
Sean Connery. Seems to be enjoying himself immensely.
Grade: A

The Villain(s)
Auric Goldfinger (Gert Frobe) - Another megalomaniac, this time a businessman and a thief. But if he's so smart, why does he have to cheat at cards? Answer: because he hates to lose. Blame his parents.

Oddjob (Harold Sakata ) - mute aide-de-camp to Goldfinger. Wears the infamous metal-slicing (frisbee-style) bowler hat.

Where the hell did all those Asian soldier bees come from? Was illegal immigration already a trend in 1964?
Grade: A-

The Girl(s)
Pussy Galore (Honor Blackman) - beats Honey Ryder by a mile on name-recall (and spawns a thousand jokes). Goldfinger's personal pilot and trainer of the Piper chick pilots who gas Fort Knox. Does a 180-degree turnaround after a (literal) roll in the hay with Bond. Blackman was already riding high as Dr Cathy Gale in the Avengers before being drafted as Pussy.

Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton) - after Bond steals her from Goldfinger, ends up fingerpainted in gold (a very short role yet immortalized in movie posters). Which starts this whole cat-and-mouse game, and involves ...

Tilly Masterson (Tania Mallet) - sister of Jill who plans to avenge her death but is a lousy shooter. Got boinked by ... Oddjob's hat.

Mei-Lei (Mai Ling) - since we're doing the Asian connection, why not have a petite Asian stewardess? Hooo-haaa!!
Grade: A-

Gadgets
The highlight would be the classic Aston Martin DB5, souped up as usual by Q. Revolving license plates, radar tracking, machine guns, tire slashers, oil dispenser, and missiles. Oh yes, and that ejector seat. Too bad he had to crash the wheels.
Grade: B+

Bond Moments
About to be sliced in half by Goldfinger's laser, Bond feebly bluffs his way out and is kept alive. Rrrrrright.

Fools Goldfinger in their golf game with some deft sleight-of-hand switching. Wins 5,000 pounds.

Pussy, originally written as a lesbian, finally succumbs to the Bond charm after wrestling in the hay (score!!!). Even better, she betrays Goldfinger in the end.
Grade: A-

One Liners
Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

Bond: Ejector seat? You must be joking!
Q (withering stare): I never joke about my work, 007!

Bond (turning around to see who upended him): ... Pussy ...!
Grade: A

Overall
Solidifies the Bond mythos, although it seemed everything was too easy for Bond (who would have thought Galore was a pussy at heart? *lol*). Hamilton does a superb job.
Grade: A-


"No lame ass jokes about my name, or else ..."

Continuing the James Bond DVD collection review (hehehe). After Dr. No became a worldwide hit, you'd think the Broccoli-Saltzman group would just rest on those laurels? Hell, no. They were smart. They smelled "Franchise, Baby!" Was franchise even a marketing buzzword then?

From Russia With Love (1963) - Terence Young
The Plot
Bond nemesis SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion - scary. to memorize) comes out of the shadows, and tries to escalate the Cold War, by baiting Bond to steal a top-secret Russian decoding machine
Grade: B+

Locales
Venice, Istanbul, Belgrade, Zagreb.
Grade: B-

The Man
Sean Connery. Growing more comfortable in the Bond skin.
Grade: A

The Villain(s)
Donald Grant (Robert Shaw) - suave debonair blonde assassin for SPECTRE. He actually spends more time tracking Bond, than tangling with him. Shaw will go on to make movie history as Quint in Jaws.

Rosa Klebb (Lotte Lenya) - disgraced SMERSH (former Russian KGB) operations head, now #3 for SPECTRE (imagine an old spinster dyke who's into S&M). The first Bond villainess, and the first-ever creepy Bond villain.

Kronsteen (Vladek Sheybal) - smug chess master, #5 for SPECTRE. Planned the whole shenanigan until it blows up in his face (not literally though). A (poisoned) kick to the shin does him in.

and of course, the mysterious #1 (he-who-shall-not-yet-be-named, but no, its not Dr Evil) of SPECTRE, who's being shown only as a pussy-stroker (yes, double-entendres are a Bond tradition, or is it just me? *lol*).
Grade: A-

The Girl(s)
Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) - the first dumb blonde of Bond movies? Coerced by Klebb to bait Bond into stealing the decoder. Makes up for it by shooting Klebb herself. The Italian Bianchi was a 1960 Ms Universe runner-up. Hmmmm.

Sylvia Trench (Eunice Gayson) - yes, she actually makes it to the second film. What else, as a meantime-girl *lol*.

Turkish belly dancer and catfighting gypsy girls.
Grade: B-

Gadgets
Desmond Llewelyn makes his debut appearance (as Major Boothroyd, soon to be fondly referred to as The Genius Known As Q). Gadget du jour is a suitcase with a hidden knife, hidden gold coins (for bribing morons), a single-shot rifle, and it also comes with a trick lock with exploding talcum powder. Or something like that.
Grade: B

Bond Moments
During the climactic powerboat chase, bad guys inadvertently shoot holes into Bond's cargo of fuel drums, which he then offloads and thus spills the fuel all around the chasing boats. Bond then fires his flare gun and kaboom! Shouldn't he have been blown up first?

Grant, despite being a methodical and disciplined assassin, gets greedy when Bond mentions gold coins, and thus takes a powder (courtesy of the trick suitcase).

In what would be a silly running gag in the next Bond films, his superiors would become privy to Bond's sex life - on audio or otherwise. If he didn't save the world every few years, I bet MI6 would have kicked him out for conduct unbecoming nyahahaha.

After Bond saves the gypsy chieftain's life, he is granted a favor, and the favor he asks is to stop the catfight between the 2 gypsy girls (who are doing it because its apparently their tradition, both having fallen for the chieftain's son). Wish granted. How do you say menage-a-trois in Turkish? (Goaaaaaal!)
Grade: A-

One Liners
(spying inside the Russian consulate using a submarine periscope from an underground tunnel - and then Tatiana appears though her head is unseen)
Bond: from this angle, i'd say things are shaping up ...

What? No "Bond ... James Bond."? Pity.
Grade: C

Overall
Bond's rogues gallery is being hammered into shape, though Bond is really threatened only during the mano-a-mano with Grant.
Grade: B


"Not that gun, idiot."

FREEEZIN'. 9th straight day of teen temps and below. What the.

So in St Patrick's Church today, Father Joseph starts his homily by going, "Thank you all for coming. So how many of you had plans cancelled today?" A few hands go up. "Okay, so we have lots of time then ...?". Cracked me up.


help!

Shaken, Not Stirred ...

About 400 days ago, I bought the complete James Bond collection. And it has gathered dust among my stacks of unwatched DVDs for the duration. I did cancel my Netflix rental for the time being because of such backlog. So why not catch up by kicking off with finally watching the series from the first Bond to the latest? Besides, who knows who the next Bond will be? At this rate, it'll be 2007 before we hear that theme song, see that gunbarrel stare, in the cinema again.

James Bond has always been a man's man. The films always involved thrilling spywork, beautiful women, exotic locales, outrageous plots, and even more outrageous solutions. I think my first taste was getting to see Moonraker or Octopussy in the local sinehan. Since then, I've always been a fan. Obviously, 20 movies in 40 years does have an impact on pop culture. I wonder, in another 40 years, how will Bond's incarnation look like?

So, let's get it on!

Dr No (1962) - Terence Young
The Plot
Disillusioned engineering genius threatens to mess with US missile launches. Bond has to find the staging base for this nefarious plot and stop it. And play baccarat and hook up with some women before, during and after.
Grade: B

Locales

London, Jamaica.
Grade: B-

The Man
Sean Connery. The Alpha Bond, and the standard by which every Bond is measured.
Grade: A

The Villain
Dr. No (played by a made-up Joseph Weisman) - island fortress-owning megalomaniac of German-Chinese descent. Has metal hands (iron fists? thats an idea!) because of playing around with radioactive toys. I guess John Lone was still 10 years old in 1962 and unavailable for the role.
Grade: B+

The Girl(s)
Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress) - seashell-collecting free spirit. Happened to be at the scene of the crime - yes, collecting seashells.

Ms Taro (Zena Marshall) - eavesdropping spy at the Home Office in Jamaica. Yes, there were no Asian actresses who passed the audition.

Sylvia Trench (Eunice Gayson) - London socialite with a penchant for naked golf
Grade: A+ mostly Ursula. Hooo-haaa!

Gadgets
Q wasn't really "Q" yet, but Bond is introduced to the venerable Walther PPK for the first time.
Grade: B

Bond Moments
There weren't enough over-the-top moments yet - however:

With 3 hours before his flight to Jamaica, Bond finds a half-naked Sylvia Trench in his room playing mini golf. Scores! (and still makes his flight)

Bond scores on Ms Taro. Twice. And because he suspects she's a spy for the opposition, calmly gets the cops to book her right after scoring. Whatta man.
Grade: A-

One Liners
(after villains' car veer off and crashes down a ravine)
Bystander: What happened?

Bond: I think they were on their way to a funeral.

Ms Moneypenny: You never take me to dinner looking like this, James. You never take me to dinner, period.
Bond: I would you know, only I would be court martialed for illegal use of government property.

Bond (to Dr No): Tell me, does the toppling of American missiles really compensate for having no hands?

Bond (to the world): Bond ... James Bond
Grade: A

Overall
nice debut, and kickstarts the long-running series with style and panache.
Grade: A-


Halle Berry Who? No one comes close to the original Bond girl.

oh the weather outside is whiteful
and the heater inside is so delightful
and i have no place to go
let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

1st and 10 ... Conference Championships prognostications (bets in color).
Sunday Games
Atlanta at Philadelphia ... Vick! Vick! Vick! Snow! Snow! Snow!
New England at Pittsburgh ... I'll take either, but the Patriots look like a team of dynasty, i mean destiny.

Playoff tally:
Divisional: 2-2
Overall: 5/8 (5-3) .625 (cool)

All i know is, i am badong and you are bading. end of story.

To Time Bandit: Killing is not absolutely wrong. I was killing psychopath murderers, corrupt cops and that cold-blooded scum snuff film director Starkweather. Now I will be leading a SEAL team for anti-terrorist missions around the globe. Killing terrorists is not wrong.

If you ask me, you stand for bad thing - otherwise known as "bading". From now on, i will stand for the opposite, gnidab.

WOOOOHOOOOO! Finally completed Manhunt. DAAAAAAAAMN BABYYYYYYYYYYYY.

I just killed Piggsy!!!! Daaaaaaamn.

With snow flurries swirling around and Prince's Batdance thundering in my ears, I walk eerily through the Gotham night. Makes me feel like Michael Keaton. With the almost-matching hairline *lol*

Speaking of Batdance, I recall the cool song being rendered so-uncool by using it as a dance contest in Eat Bulaga back in '89 during the first Batman movie hype. Hate to say it, but noontime gameshows have helped (and continuously) dumb down generations of young Pinoys.

WOW. i got through "Key Personnel" in roughly 2 hours. Now its down to killing Piggsy (scenario cops from Texas Chainsaw Massacre) ... and the mastermind Starkweather. Almost there, babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Why the hell am i watching American Idol? To watch all these losers?!? That being said, you do not sing You Raise Me Up as an audition number ... unless you are Josh Groban.

song of the week:

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong with me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Is this burning an eternal flame?

"Eternal Flame", The Bangles

today is the coldest day of 2005 (yes, i know its just 18 days in), with an average of 15 F. that's -9 to you Celsius fans. -9. average.

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!! Level's done and gone! and with barely 10% health. Next up: "Key Personnel."

Manhunt Log. I am deep in "Border Patrol" - there are too many guards in this freakin fog-covered estate. But after this, there's only 2 levels to go. Man, this is the furthest I've played a game without cheating *nyhahaha*. I had no patience for Syphon Filter, nor with Metal Gear Solid. Does that mean now I have too much time on my hands?

Swear I will dance a jig when this is all over. *lol* (that's copping from my favorite Bruce Willis movie)

First snow day of 2005. Good thing its Martin Luther King day.

Best Drama movie is .................................. The Aviator! (is that a portent that a Scorsese movie will also be honored again for an Oscar?)

Best musical or comedy - Sideways! (hooray for indies)

The SWANK wins! She does clean up real good *lol*

Best TV comedy series: DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (Woooohooo! nyhahahahahaha)

Leo wins Best Actor. Finally?

Jamie Foxx! Jamie Foxx!

Best TV drama series - Nip/Tuck?!?

It would be fun to focus the cams on all non-winners, a few seconds after a winner has been announced - hehehe. And Ian McShane of Deadwood beats James Spader for Actor in TV drama series.

Best supporting actor in TV series or movie. Denny Crane. nyhahaha.

Closer just made a sweep of Golden Globe's supporting roles ... that's Clive Owen and Natalie Portman for you ...

Peyton Manning goes down in Foxboro. Again.

if we could only kick field goals ...

great game. no need to be down, coach herm.

we're down 10-0 but if we're going down, we're going down fighting, baby!

somehow i don't feel comfortable drinking anymore. its makes me even more depressed, though people would drink to get away from being depressed. plus i don't feel all that well the day after. must be age.

Vincent Van Gogh, Landscape with Snow (1888)

: : STATIC : :
| VOL. 0101 |

Ah ... the New Year. Why then would I feel a little old huddled up in bed? Must be the winter blues. I've also been playing too much Manhunt (no, its soooo not gay! *lol*). Killing the scum of the earth can get a little weary, and the suspense will induce a heart attack on me soon. But ah, surprise, surprise. This is the furthest I've played any non-sport PS game. Now if I had more time ...

iBox (or what i saw on TV this week)
Desperate Housewives - Caught some that made crack up - especially when Susan (Teri Hatcher) sings "New York, New York" in a karaoke club, interspersed with slagging her ex-husband Karl, in front of all the patrons - and with new love Mike shaking his head in amusement. I didn't see the whole episode because of ...
24 - finally got on board (damn TV ads). Jack Bauer (Keifer Sutherland) is back in CTU, and in the first two hours, terrorist sleeper cells have caused a train crash to retrieve a secret package, they also kidnapped the US Defense Secretary along with his daughter (and Jack's secret lover) and plan to put him on televised trial, Jack shoots a terrorist handler in a CTU interrogation room to extract information, Jack's replacement for his old job killed (duh. the office ain't big enough for 2 field ops specialist), and the terrrorist family have their own domestic issues. And yeah, hottie Kim (Elisha Cuthbert) is not on the show anymore. Oh, the pain.
As if that weren't enough, Fox puts in another 2 hours the next day. This means we'll have the remaining 20 episodes over the course of the next few months. In trailing the only link to the terrorists, Jack has to pretend (perfectly!) how to rob a convenience store. As usual, you have a superior that doesn't believe him, so his unauthorized satellite surveillance is nearly taken down. His ploy nearly works, but he forgot that he did "rob" a convenience store at gunpoint and is thus boxed in by the cops. Nice hooks, Fox. Damn.
Boston Legal - as if the whole Crane, Poole and Schmidt law office isn't already interesting enough, here comes Candice Bergen, as law partner Shirley Schmidt, to slice and dice in verbal jousts with James Spader and William Shatner. Episode title? Why, "Schmidt Happens", of course.
The O.C. - even if the Cohen family seems too dysfunctional, parents Sandy (Peter Gallagher) and Kirsten (Kelly Rowan) keep everything grounded. Another great episode, with Seth (Adam Brody trying to be a "bad boy" (hyeeeeaah sure), Jimmy (Tate Donovan)finally goes away (but not without dramatic consequences), Summer (Rachel Bilson) seems ok with Zach (Michael Cassidy), Marissa (Mischa Barton) looks fine with poolboy DJ (Nicholas Gonzalez), and Ryan (Benjamin McKenzie) and Lindsay (Shannon Lucio), potentially his "aunt", finally kiss. Aahh, the days of paddling through dawson's creek.
Lost - Way too much drama here, as Kate has lots of skeletons in her closet (and a penchant for bad boys, consenting to almost-skinny dipping with Sawyer) for being in the middle of a bank robbery, and apparently killed a former love for it. but the best part is Shannon translating the papers that Sayid found, into "Beyond the Sea" ... in French. And finally ...
Alias - kickass 2-hour season opener. Sidney joins a new black ops section within the CIA. And its headed by ... Sloane, along with daddy Jack, ex-head Dixon and on-again love Vaughn (Marshall even gets recruited later). Its the same office, dammit, and its even called APO (Authorized Personnel Only *lol*). Sidney goes up against a badass shadowy arms dealer played by Rick Yune, her sister Nadia (Mia Maestro) joins APO, more dirty family laundry is aired, and she gets to finally do the nasty with Vaughn (Michael Vartan). I wonder how he felt, knowing he got dumped for Ben Affleck? *s*

---

No Biz Like ...
Brad and Jen split. Made front pages, of course. Guy wants to settle down, girl wants to follow her dreams. Sound familiar? Did The Jolie have anything to do with it? Who knows? Hahaha.

On the other side, there's Seal and Heidi Klum. Wow. Lucky dude.

People's Choice Awards (01/09/05). Yeeech. Can't decide on one "Best Picture" so they created 2 ("Best Motion Picture" and "Best Drama Motion Picture") to award correspondingly to both Fahrenheit 9/11 and The Passion of the Christ. Also have other kooky awards like Crest Fans Favorite Smile (Julia Roberts?), Favorite Combined Forces ("Yeah" by Usher/Li'l Jon/Ludacris), and Favorite Remake (what, no favorite song?)

Bwahahaha. Ashlee Lipsync-son booed mightily at the Orange Bowl. The Hilton Slut Known as Paris reportedly "extremely upset" because of lousy sales of her scent. Ms Trailer Trash 2004 Brit is so "inspired" by "CSI" she wants to become a ... forensic scientist. Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk. Pile on, people.

You're MY Daddy? "Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her on a TShirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!"
- Joe Simpson, quoted in this month's GQ (no, i didn't make that up)

Present and Future Doodles OnScreen!
Rob Bowman's Elektra. Finally a solo spinoff. This won't be a furball, folks. Though I bet deep inside, The Garner Known as Jen is a simple, sweet, pampered soul (ok, minus points for unceremoniously dumping Scott Foley and now becoming half of the new Bennifer).
www.elektramovie.com

Francis Lawrence's Constantine. Will Keanu Reeves finally show more emotion than ... Keanu Reeves?
http://constantinemovie.warnerbros.com/

Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins. To finally erase Batman and Robin and Joel Schumacher from Batman history. And Gary Oldman plays Gordon. Hoooohaaa!!!
http://batmanbegins.warnerbros.com/

Tim Story's Fantastic Four. The adventures of Marvel's first family in a cineplex near you. Repeat after me: Jessica Alba. Invisible Woman. That's all you need to know.

Sin City - Robert Rodriguez. Frank Miller. Mickey Rourke. Bruce Willis. Benicio Del Toro. Jessica Alba. What more could anyone want?

Wachowski Brothers' V Is for Vendetta. With Natalie Portman?

Q: And who else is not anticipating Star Wars E3: Revenge of the Sith?
A: The non-fans of course *lol*

On a final note, saw an online ad/poster today ... "Sahara" with Matt McConaghuey as Dirk Pitt??? Whoa. Wait, did they have to add some hair implants on him? *s* Ok this better be good!! But why Penelope Cruz? Why? Why???

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CoolStuff (via Gizmodo/Endgadget and other RSS feeds)

Peercasting (peer2peer broadcasting) seems to be the next wave. Your own internet, video or radio programming - on demand, at your fingertips, without the bandwidth costs and programming restrictions (take that, cable companies!). Wired Magazine has an interview on Bram Cohen, whose BitTorrent app has taken the P2P crowd by storm (surprisingly though, he doesn't jump into the stream of p2p filesharing). Careful, people. Pretty soon, Hollywood is gonna go medieval on your asses *s*. For more info on peercasting, go to Peercast.org.

HD DVD or Blu-Ray? Gee, can I stay with my old DVD player for awhile?

For all of us who couldn't go to CES 2005 in Las Vegas (lucky Uncle Jerome):
Gwen Stefani's Digicam!
Record your stuff direct!
The Hot Seat!
Another Player in the Handheld Revolution
Sewing Hits the 21st Century
dont disrobe. m:robe!
Can you spell HUGE?
Play to Get Fit!
i got my spine, i got my Orange slice

The much-maligned Wal-Mart declares war on Netflix. Problem is, their DVD inventory sucks. And you want to contribute to a corporation that encourages slave labor?

iPod gets religion!

2004 Vaporware Awards

UGO All Time Top 50 DVDs. Note: DVDs. Don't get mad if Somewhere in Time isn't listed.

katamari_damacy. Anyone played this already? Anyone already gone cold turkey?

Break down the Gates! (http://www.spreadfirefox.com/)

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Current Pulp(s) on Hand:
Interesting stuff I chanced upon ...

National Geographic
Born to Run. Photoessay on a life of a cheetah. Made me put up some desktop wallpapers. Cool.
Yo! Simite. The famous park steeped in the past finds its way toward the future, and if the National Park Service has its way, its a future with "...a smaller human footprint."
When In Rome. An extensive read on how Rome came to be.
Mississippi Java (Not). A nice trek through Hot Coffee, Mississippi (yes, there is such a place. and no, there isn't a Starbucks around.).

next month's issue will probably have some stuff on the tsunami ...

Wired Magazine
Darknets. the Bram Cohen interview and deep inside the P2P bootlegging revolution.
Wired Homes. waaaaaah. i need money!
Rocket Man. this Branson guy has too much money *s*.
Pixel Soap. Presenting The Strangerhood, a Sims2 online sitcom.
Just Bridges. The science of bridge-building.

Oh, by the way, copyright protection on music and TV recordings in the U.K. expired during the New Year. Free-for-all, baby!!

Men's Fitness
Survey Says:
Fittest City: Seattle (gyms, air quality, outdoor recreation)
Fattest City: Houston (too much junk food, lousy air quality, one of highest TV-watching rates)
Laziest City: Memphis (27% of residents are obese, junk food joints on every corner)
City That Watches The Most TV: New Orleans (so they only go out during Mardi Gras)
City That Watches The Least TV: Minneapolis (they'd rather go ice-fishing)
City With Most Free Time: Arlington, TX (rush hour here only means extra seconds)
City With Least Free Time: Los Angeles (freeway traffic eats up a lot of time)
City That Eats The Most Junk Food: Cleveland (huh?? really?? burp.)
City That Drinks The Most Alcohol: Milwaukee (Duh.)
City That Eats Least Junk Food AND Drinks The Least Alcohol: NYC, Babyyyyy!!! (this even after landing #8 on the Fattest list)

GQ
Aside from articles on character actor Kevin Bacon, football genius Bill Belichick, and cover girl Kate Bosworth, there's also:
Jam Master. A look at the largely-ignored Paul Weller.
X-Treme Male Bonding. Take down terrorists in this posh Colorado shooting club.
He-Bitch. Why do men keep complaining? Because of competitiveness and something called Equity Theory.
How To Lose $$$. Jack Whitaker won the lottery and got $139M net. He still has roughly $93M to throw away.
Who's Your Daddy? Who's the baddest Simpson dad - Homer or Joe?
I Started a Joke... A day in the life of Ross Abrash, a former The Late Late Show monologue writer. Here are some gems:

The Backstreet Boys and 'NSync are getting together for a charity concert. The money raised will be used to help victims of the concert.

In Washington state, a prisoner escaped using a fake gun made out of paper. He was caught outside, frantically folding a getaway car.

Paris Hilton is a slut: did you hear about her new Christmas video? its called 'Miracle on 34 Guys.'

Courtney Love was rushed to the hospital. I don't know what condition she's in, but we can rule out stable ...

President Bush says if we don't lower milk prices, the cows have won.

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Spin, Spin, Whiskey and Gin:

Broke out my MDs. The MD player in my stereo is still working. At least I get to use the remote before it breaks down again by gathering dust. Among the gems unearthed: old faves Flesh For Lulu, 16 Tambourines, and oh, ummm, Gary V. *lol*

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Balls Deep:

NFL Playoff Time, baby. I ain't leaving on weekends until after the Superbowl.

1st and 10 ... Divisional Playoffs prognostications (bets in color).
Saturday Games
NY Jets at Pittsburgh ... As long as we're here, let's go, JETS!
St Louis at Atlanta ... Let Loose Michael Vick.
Sunday Games
Minnesota at Philadelphia ... Round 2: Culpepper vs McNabb. Moss vs T.O. Ooops. There's no T.O. this time.
Indianapolis at New England ... Could be the time for Peyton's redemption. That being said, never underestimate the devious mind of Bill Belichick.

Last week:
3-1 (who woulda thunk the Vikings would finally un-underachieve? On the other hand, you more or less expect such antics from Randy Moss.)

Lest I forget the NBA ... what do we have so far? Phoenix is running and gunning its way to what, 70 wins? LeBron James is officially the face of the League, Seattle and Washington are still surprising people, Utah is in a tailspin, Minnesota and Denver are underachieving, Miami owns the Eastern Conference (and not just because of Shaq), the expansion Bobcats have a better record than the Hawks or the Hornets, and Kobe's Lakers are mired in mediocrity (hah!). And oh yeah, welcome back, Grant Hill.

and of course, my favorite sports columnist has always something interesting to say.

Please Don't Take Me Out of Context. "I can't put it into words," he said. "Playing with a guy, living with a guy, just knowing that every day when I wake up that's something I can count on ... Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don't know what I'm going to wake up for."
- Orlando Magic guard Steve Francis, on trading his best pal Cuttino Mobley to Sacramento

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uThoughts:

Here's a funny story from Gregg Easterbrook (columnist on
NFL.com).

How About a Computer Voice That Says, "Dis Is Bruno. Waddaya Want?"
Yours truly loves to ride Amtrak but hates "Julie," the computerized voice on the Amtrak 800 number. "Julie" seems to exist exclusively to prevent callers from talking to a real agent. Once I tried to ask "Julie" out, and she replied, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand your question." Well, I got that a lot when I was dating. Julie's voice has about as much personality as Amtrak's trains.

Now we learn "Julie" is a real person -– you'd never guess it from the authentic way she imitates a soulless machine -– named Julie Stinneford, profiled in this article . Stinneford is "a professional voice talent," the article reports; Amtrak claims 90 percent of callers like Julie, which I find about as credible as the railroad's latest budget request. Everyone yours truly knows who rides Amtrak HATES Julie and tries desperately to get past her to speak to a real person. Why, exactly, did Amtrak hire a person to imitate a computer? And remember, Amtrak used your tax money to hire a person to pretend to be a computer. Tuesday Morning Quarterback suggests having fun with Julie by calling the Amtrak number, 800-USA-RAIL, and trying to confuse her. I did, and part of the conversation sounded like this:

JULIE. How many people will be traveling?
ME. It's a big country. How should I know how many people will be traveling?
JULIE. That sounded like you said, "One adult."
ME. I was being evasive. But I refuse to tell you why I was being evasive.
JULIE. My mistake. How many people will be traveling, and please be sure to say if there will be children or senior citizens.
ME. Of course there will be children. Children are our hope for the future.
JULIE. That sounded like you said, "Eight children."
ME. Do you have children, Julie? I'm starting to worry that machines will have children.
JULIE. You need to say what kind of adults will be traveling.
ME. The dashing, irresistible kind. It's me, after all. I'm sort of a 1940s-movie handsome-stranger-on-a-train kind of guy.
JULIE. I'm having trouble understanding you.

Not B-ADS: Honda Element - 2 guys running out of places on their Honda where to put promo stickers of bike trails they've tried. They end up putting it on the one of the wheels. Burger King - one with The Apprentice uber-bitch Omarosa *lol* and the other where a boss upgrades his regular BK treats to his staff to the new Angus Beef Burger, because he's firing one of them - if they say a number that's on his mind. Budweiser - revenge on the referee ads. this time the cops are after the (moronic) refs because "anyone will do anything just to get a taste of Bud Light."

From the Detroit 2005 AutoShow

2005 Lamborghini Diablo GT. wala pa ring kupas.


goodbye, Will Eisner.
goodbye, Fulton Fish Market.
... and finally:

You open the paper, and you see these:
Baseball free agent Carlos Delgado reportedly 'insulted' by $30 million offer from NY Mets.
Basketball player Latrell Sprewell insulted by 3-year $27M offer from Minnesota Timberwolves, saying he needs to feed his family. By the way he's making $14.6M this year.


And then you also read something like:
The donations, large and small, have come from all walks of life. Two $1 bills came from 6-year-old Shelby Rose Jean, of Melville, L.I., the money taped to a letter. "Dear People," she wrote by hand. "I am very sorry that the tsunami knocked down the houses. I am glad that you are still alive. I hope you can find somebody that can help you."

You want to scream how idiotic and selfish these overpaid athletes can be, but then you can only shake your head and sigh.

nail-bitin', knuckle-crackin ...

... saturday night, between moving through suspense-laden levels in Manhunt, and the Jets-Chargers game (Jets won by a field goal in OT. J-E-T-S, Jets! Jets! Jets!)

Welcome Back, Jason Soto! (every Fridays, anyway)



happy 37th as well.

ooooh ... what have we here?

NFL Playoffs Week 1 Bets

1st and 10 ... Wild Card Weekend prognostications (bets in color).
Saturday Games
St Louis at Seattle ... It could go either way but the Rams have psychological advantage.
NY Jets at San Diego ... Despite the odds, let's see an upset special.
Sunday Games
Denver at Indianapolis ... you think Peyton's gonna lose this?
Minnesota at Green Bay ... the Vikings' house is in disarray, so it looks like their last stop is Lambeau Field.

Final Regular Season tally:
Week 17: 7-9 (crap)
Overall: 163/256 (163-93) .636 (cool)
Road: 69-50
Home: 94-43

Its 35-10. Leinart throws 4 TDs. This guy will be an NFL player someday.

wow, USC is killing Oklahoma. 4 straight TDs after being down 0-7.

aargh. manhunt is killing me. with suspense. yeah i know, its an old game. but it rocks. oh i love the sound of smashing skulls in the evening *lol*

after Eli gets his first NFL win last night, i end up 7-9 for Week 17. 163/256 (163-93) for a .636 percentage. Pret-ty good prognosticating overall.

Playoff time, baby. I hope I didn't jinx the Jets by checking out Qualcomm Stadium the other Sunday.

Great BCS games today. Iowa beats LSU on a last sec TD, and hands Nick Saban a bittersweet ending going to the Fish. And Texas' Vince Young - geez. The Second Coming of Michael Vick? I think he's better.