dvd on tap: Godzilla [Roland Emmerich]

The Devlin/Emmerich team, pilloried for the commercial (and guilty pleasures - c'mon, you can't help not watching it!) Stargate and Independence Day, socks it to audience, New York City and noted movie critics Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel (R.I.P.). Boom! There goes the METLife building. Down goes the Chrysler. They practically nuke Madison Square Garden. Hey, there goes "Mayor Ebert" and his bumbling assistant Gene. And what does that nervous Sgt O'Neal (Doug Savant) imply as a representative of the US military? Nyhahahahaha!

Plot? What plot? This was a summer movie. We don't need no stinkin' plots. French nuke testing. Radioactive lizard. Fancies Manhattan as a nesting ground. Americans go in shooting. Nerd hero Nick (Matthew Broderick) saves the day. What else do you want? Oh I know, I didn't like that bitch Audrey (Maria Pitillo) who sells out her ex Nick (her ex!) to further her career - that was just mean. Hank Azaria could have been the nerd but instead steals some scenes as the gung-ho gweedo TV cameraman. And I don't care if he represents ze French, I don't care that he's French: how can you not like any movie with Jean Reno?


"I will never ... ever ... go to Hooters again. Ever."

Godzilla fans seem to yearn for the days of rubber suits, toy cities being crushed and piss-poor animation. They gave it the name GINO (Godzilla In Name Only - nyuknyuknyuk). Listen, if I were standing on a wooden pier, and this huge-ass wave comes rushing toward me breathtakingly, dammit if I wouldn't run scared. And that already conveys the idea behind Gojira, where man plays God and damn the consequences. Emmerich just made the sandbox a lot better. It may be a B movie, but its a goddamn good B movie.