Mongolian what - !?!

If you're in the USA and like watching talentless turds humiliate themselves singing on national TV, you tune in to American Idol. If you're in Beijing and feeling the same urge, you watch this. William Hung got his famenotoriety on the original A.I. but he could have won this ... oh, wait, he has to pass himself off as a girl first. nyhahahaha.

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American Idol is big. Mongolian Cow Sour Yogurt Super Girl's Voice is huge. Super Girl--as China's dairy-company-sponsored imitation of Idol is known--drew a TV audience of 400 million for the finale of its four-month run last year. Voting by text message, viewers chose Li Yuchun, 21, a college student who sang like a man and sometimes dressed like Mick Jagger, as their 2005 Super Girl.

It turns out that she may also be the last one. The State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, China's chief broadcast regulator, last week issued new rules governing Idol-inspired shows. The directive says contests should contribute to "constructing a harmonious socialist society ... [They] must not make a hubbub about things as they please and must avoid creating stars." These restrictions may or may not prevent Super Girl from securing permission to air, but they're certain to cramp the show's style.

Less certain is what prompted the rebuke, which has stoked vigorous debate among the show's Net-savvy fans. Some speculate that the authorities worried that voting for TV contestants would make the Chinese want to vote in other contexts, such as for their political leaders. Others thought Li and her fellow finalists were insufficiently prim role models. It's also possible that Super Girl--produced by a station in Hunan province--was upstaging CCTV, China's national network, which produces its own more subdued but far less popular ersatz Idol.

Future Super Girls may see their ambitions quashed, but the directive reserves its harshest orders for prospective judges, who "should be positive and healthy ... They must not make contestants embarrassed." That last part may explain the original Simon Cowell's take on the Chinese rules: "Crazy."

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By Susan Jakes
Time Magazine.

Drawbacks of Working in a Cubicle

1. Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you.

2.The fabric walls offer little protection from gunfire.

3. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.

3.Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

4.Walls that are too close together for your hammock.

5.Damned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without somebody making a comment.

6.Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

7.Passing tour groups never throw peanuts.

8.When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam.

9. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.

10. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

11. If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

12.You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

13. STATIC CHARGES THAT ZAP UP WHEN U TOUCH THE METAL FRAME OF THE CUBICLE!

Funny Useful Work Phrases

1. How about never? Is never good for you?

2. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

3. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

5. Ahhh...I see the f*ck-up fairy has visited us again.

6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

7. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

8. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

9. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

10. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

12. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

13. Thank you.We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

14. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

15. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

16. No, my powers can only be used for good.

17. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

18. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.

19. Are you a damn ray of sunshine every day?

20. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

21. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

22. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

23. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

24. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

25. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

26. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

Job Application Lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat, or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Word.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I'M PERSONABLE: I talk to other employeess at least 3 hours every work day.

I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a day planner and wear fancy shoes.

I AM ADAPTABLE: I've been fired a lot.

manic monday

just the thing to make you panic on the monday (with a training session for a client bank, first-thing-in-the-morning, to boot).

managed to make it early still, and fly thru the rest of the day. ah, life.

perf

Read between the lines!

Have you ever struggled with a performance review? Read on for some tips to make the next one easier.

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Regards,

Jim



A memo was soon sent following the letter:

John,

That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment of him.

Regards,

Jim

joe schmoe

My History as a Working Schmoe

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

not in

Best Out of Office Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on April 1st. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Sheila' instead of 'Steve'.

scary movie

Remember me? I used to see dead people!




Remember me? I used to be with dead people!

and if the PSP would allow engravings ...

http://www.methodshop.com/mp3/articles/rejectedengraving/