urbanites

in the past week or so, i've had some kind of contact from old friends from my short stint in the late, maybe-not-so-lamented Urban Bank. for those who still remember, Urban Bank was a solid pillar in the Philippine financial community until an unfortunate series of events brought it crashing down to earth. 10 years later, i feel like part of a seminal rock band, which kind of broke up just before they hit the big time,  and the dissolution became a very hyped disaster. i left the Bank about a year before it went under, and i feel sorry for those who stayed behind then had to scurry like rats to flee the sinking ship. a sad story to this day, which culminated in the death of star banker TCB.

oh, yeah, back to my old friends. i received a message in my old Friendster account (i know, i know, i barely update the damn thing) that my friend Loida was getting married. i exchanged emails with her sometime back, and she was at a crossroads because her fiance and her had an adorable daughter and their wedding was called off. now, happy days have come again for her as she served notice that she was marrying the guy early this month. they've been together for such a long time, that there should be no other ending. congratulations, Loids!

the other contact i had (again through the trendy-in-2003 Friendster) was from the Australian transplant Maricris, who started a blog and ehem, credited yours truly for inspiring her. Maricris was the older sister/hen we had in our department, and she kept an even keel on things even though we didn't know what the hell we were doing (speak for yourself, grifter). the funniest thing i ever heard from her was her nickname during the Yuletide season (hence the name of her blog). she used to lend me Dragonlance books and that was my one-and-only time brush with fantasy novels, despite not having played any D&D and my tastes ran more along the lines of political/military superthrillers. having lost track of her in the ensuing years, i only had Friendster to tell me that she and husband moved to Oz with their daughter. she actually may have other ties to me as her sister worked with my mother-in-law in the previous decade. funny how life is.

oh, and before August ends, although he won't read this anyway, belated happy birthday, Pong Pagong! thank you for throwing me a line in 1996. it was quite an interesting 17 months.

call you crazy

is this really the future? (for my young countrymen, at least)

"outsourcing" and "call centers" became two of the very important catchphrases at the turn of this century. the latter in particular becoming an overnight industry that spread like wildfire over the globe, with the maturation of the Internet and the reduction of (most of) the world to a true global village. and for (still) developing countries like the Philippines and India, who are not lacking in English language skills, putting up call centers and providing local employment has been a lucrative business.

and today's fresh graduates see it both as a potential first job and a fallback option, not to mention a trendy career opportunity. years ago, it was BS Commerce. then it was Computer Science (no disrespect to AMA and STI). now, i'm not sure if teenagers are not dreaming and wishing: "i want to be a call center agent when i grow up!"

i've had more than a passing experience with this, as my sister, whom we have high hopes for, landed a call center job - as her first job (i think). not a knock against the CC people. i'm just saying it seems like its a lifestyle for the desperate. do i really want to reverse my normal daily cycle - sleep by day and work at night? miss proper meals? get pressured by trainers and managers while your job security depended on not passing out? i've seen my sister go through that hell, and applauded when she finally quit that job.

so, in that article above, am i surprised that the Philippines had the worst turnover rate? no. i'm just surprised at the high number.

it was bound to happen anyway. you do too much, too soon, and burnout happens. is the demand really that high? are Americans too lazy already and can't possibly do this themselves? i guess they are ... obesity is a major problem and they don't need more of their people sitting around in cubicles, putting weight, and getting angina from irate debt-ridden fellow citizens. thanks for passing that along to the Third World, fellas.

and what about these standards? speaking English well gets you in the door for an interview, but then you have to pass rigorous testing before you are even deemed worthy of a paltry salary (maybe in two years, you might become team leader ... ooohh, reminds me of the ridiculous officer training in some banks). and who are we helping really? sure, it may put food in some tables, but you can't consistently do that if you're sick, dead or dying now, can you? might still be better off being an OFW, now, but then again, once you think about the corrupt government who's leeching off you ... well, that's another story.

At Convergys, training managers boast to new trainees that only one out of every 100 applicants they interviewed are actually hired. “So, you’re the best, the cream of the crop!" he tells a trainee.

what crop? what cream? are you sure this is cream? looks like sour milk to me.

speaking of Convergys, my sister did apply with them (yes, apparently this whole thing isn't behind her, as well as for a large majority of ex-CC agents, i suppose), and even before a dream came to fruition (a dream that didn't really pay much), majority of their batch-in-training got terminated even before they were officially hired. what a classy organization. do you really want to put "terminated @ my last job" in your CV?

in an effort to "understand" this atrocious turnover rate:

Both ACS and Convergys have “exit interviews" for all call center agents resigning or getting fired, to find out the reasons and causes of the high turnover rate in the industry. A pattern is slowly emerging from these studies—- bad training design, oppressive trainors, too much stress, too much pressure, ‘prison-like’ condition, pay not worth the effort, etc.

well ... DUH. with a capital H.

as much as i'd like my sis to find alternative jobs, one that doesn't include getting harassed, hungry-slash-eating-badly, shafted for minuscule pay, i guess this is the reality over there. far be it for me to tut-tutting, since i'm here (and that's also another story) and they're there, but all i want is for her to find her niche in life (usually happiness comes along with being in that niche).

so, sis ... just persevere, and always think 'stepping stone'. you're still young. the highway of life is still ahead of you. don't worry, you will know when it's time to stay put.

old school

welcome back, time bandit. this office is now is majority old school (emphasis on "old").


oh, wait, your former employers seem to be headed this way. they're packing serious heat.

fool for all seasons

on a previous post, i mentioned a customer who's fond of being a know-it-all (but really knows nothing) and likes to point fingers when the going gets tough. turns out i have an email thread where he once again, for the gazillionth time, pissed me off, but i had to maintain a professional attitude and keep myself from sending sarcastic emails, especially since like this pig, i have an acerbic vit. (wait! i actually don't.) one of my bosses did applaud me for keeping my cool, because they all know what a jackass this customer is. whoever said that the customer is always right can rightfully burn in hell right now.

names may have been changed to protect the innocent, words may be substituted for conciseness, but the grammar (and spelling) have not been changed to protect the competent.
-----

so the other day i receive this email from the subject, whom we shall call JP (for Just Pathetic).


Please let me the status of this request. XYZ is in the process of upgrading to Vista/Office 2007.

right away, two things already blew me off my chair. (1) i already replied to this more than two weeks ago. he doesn't seem to read his email, or more likely, he doesn't know how to use email. my colleague once told me JP was in awe of the Search tool in Outlook (true story). oh dear god. so i think his bosses were following up with him, and in his haste to cover his tracks again, rattled off a quick email that (2) showed off his scintillating typing skills. much is lost when communication skllz r lacking. ask the damn txters.

should i "let him ... the status"? let him what? eat the status? change the status?

and don't even get me started with the whole idea of migrating to Vista in the first place. doesn't anyone read? i suspect he bought a Dell PC for his home use, and seeing it was loaded with Vista, drooled at the nice graphics and proceeded to push Vista for all the desktops in his company. he probably doesn't understand all these Mac vs. PC commercials.

so, brushing off the annoying mosquito, i reply with: (bold/emphasis mine)


i sent you the email below 26 days ago.

as you will only be upgrading XYZ user workstations to Vista/Office 2007, you only need to upgrade to patch version NNN to achieve this.

What is your timetable on the upgrade? That was my unanswered question below.
----
When do you plan on switching all user workstations to Vista/Office 2007?


we exchange a couple more emails, all the while with me operating on the assumption that he was speaking of the user workstations, not the application servers. so when the time came for me to confirm that assumption:


I assume your Windows servers containing this application, this application and that application will remain as is, even if the users switch to Vista.


he comes back with a horrifying reply:

I didn't understand you mean by this email


i didn't change anything, i swear to God, i pasted that as is. yes, yes, your brain works much faster than your fingers, but that's a minor point. and here he is, doing the perfect mimicry of a moron. which is like a second skin to him. wait - could it be ... he is a moron?


i try to be helpful, but fearful that i opened a can of worms here (for him, not for me). its like talking to a man who murdered his wife and kids on national TV, only he doesn't know everyone knows. "murder? what do you mean?"


I mean the users will be using Vista workstations, while your (application) servers which are (now on) Windows 2003(?) will remain as is (will not be upgraded to Vista).


hey, i don't claim to be technical (JP claims that he is - true story). that's why we used to have a guy asking our customers these questions. so JP is lucky he's dealing with me.

okay, now, he gets a bit riled up and is probably starting to wonder why he is dealing with a moron like moi.


The servers will be upgraded to Vista/Office 2007, that's the whole purpose of these emails going back and forth.

there you have it, my dear audience. written as plain as day (and emphasis mine).

okay, let me tread on safe ground here. let's make sure we record his statements, and let him entrap himself.


now that you have clarified that part, (my company has) no control over this Application's (the database) and that Application's (middleware) (because they're not our products; our software just plays with them) compatibility with Vista . i suggest you also ask your tech support to check with Microsoft/IBM. From our point of view, we can only control the our application's compatibility issues.

we can do our part on our application and do more tests; however, you would also cover bases on your side by making sure of the tech guys' responsibility to ensure that both Applications can be installed/will work on a Vista box without any problems, since that is the direction XYZ is taking.


was i clear enough? was i polite enough? did i lay the facts (as gleaned from him) straight up? yes, i think i did. the last time we did an upgrade with these guys, their tech guys were scratching their heads not knowing what roles they had to play. either they're also really braindead, or JP did a great job communicating who's going to do what.

i suspect that a lot of the problems they've had with our software had been accidentally or inadvertently, caused by JP. seriously. if XYZ was Iraq, and we were George W. Bush, we would get it right. this guy is a walking, talking WMD. i can't even trust him to create a formula, even though he's been working with our software since the Clinton Administration. he's already an AVP! (Alien Vs Predator)

and they pay these people gazillions of dollars? no wonder the economy is going down the drain.


now it gets better! seeing an opportunity to take down a meek cat like me (i promise, the meek shall not inherit the Earth), JP goes in for the kill: (bold/emphasis mine again)


I think you are missing the point here. Please verify your applications to be compatible with Vista/Office 2007. Please don't pay attention to the other products, since we did not ask you anything about the other products.


in other words, just shut the fuck up, grifter (look! i cussed!), and just tell us if your application is compatible or not. moron!


so, since I missed the point (allegedly), i took my wounds and the emails to my own management and humbly requested to be enlightened.



this is the part where my boss applauds me for being professional. suuuuuuuuuuure. blogging will be my revenge. nyahahahahahahaa!


so after deep consultation with the powers and minds that be, i go back to JP with the following questions:


If you plan on changing your current (Windows 2000) server to Vista (as stated in your previous email), (we need) the following information from you:
1. If using Windows Vista - what service pack and is it 32-bit or 64-bit?
2. What version of the database will be installed in this Vista box and What service pack?


he was probably drunk the day before. now he replies:


The window Vista will be used on the Desktops, the servers will run Window 2008/Office 2007.

Windows Vista is for the new version release for desktops
It will be released with SP1.
The O/S is running on 32-bit version

Please let me know if you need any more information.



wow. did anybody read the first line of that reply?

window Vista will used on desktops, servers will run Window 2008 ...


am not sure if Microsoft makes 'Window Vista' or 'Window 2008'.

but anyway, let's go back to what he said earlier, and you get a free cookie if you can remember without scrolling up or down.






The servers will be upgraded to Vista/Office 2007, that's the whole purpose of these emails going back and forth.

Please don't pay attention to the other products, since we did not ask you anything about the other products.


he's lucky i didn't blind copy his bosses. he'd probably be storming thru our doors right now brandishing a gun and his pink slip.


and i didn't get even a hint of an apology. he probably already deleted the previous email thread (wait, he may not even know where the Delete button is!), just to claim innocence on any stupid statement he "may" have made.

utterly contemptible. and i don't buy the excuse of being ignorant. as the wife rants when she has her own voodoo dolls to push pins into, "they ought to have been gassed at birth". sorry. wait, am not sorry.


this is not even at par with those jaw-dropping moments that JP has exhibited in the past; i forgot more than i remember. for now, i am committing it to the blogosphere, to celebrate the April Fool, nay, a fool for all seasons.

God, i love missing the point.

factory recall

manning the software help(less)desk, you get to meet all sorts of people. of course we all hate the dumbass one. another would be the one who keeps saving his ass and throws you under the bus at every opportunity, to make himself look good with his management (and not get fired). we actually have one who is both.

anyway, i have another customer contact who's kinda a little slow. i think whatever he soaked up from me in the past year or so kind of drains out of him when he pees or something. he's fond of sending emails where "he can't seem to recall this" or "can't seem to figure out that" or "can't seem to remember whatever". God knows, i write up long pages of Dummies Guides and nothing seems to work for him. too bad, he seems like a nice guy. let's call him TR, for "Total Recall".

by the way, i should get paid by the page for writing Dummies Guides. $10 a page sounds nice.


just today i get an email from TR, regarding a parameter fix i suggested two days ago:
----

... this change did not work as per user's email. I've gone back and checked to make sure that the changes were made correctly. blah blah blah blah in any event, it's not working as we had anticipated. can you have a look at this and let me know?

----

i go check and come back with:

----
as per your original email, you said they wanted this in (this function).

now if they're saying another function (which we obviously did not do), can you get a screenshot?

----

so i imagine him reading my email and smiling cheerfully as he typed back (before he probably went off to the local coffee shop and had a latte):

----

I'm following up with the user now and will get back to you.

----

which is what you should have done in the first place, you mook. now let me get back to ESPN.com and stop bothering me.

i don't know, i just feel sensitive these days.



breaking update (within 90 minutes):

here's one he sent just after i clicked on "Publish Post" the first time on this:
----
how can I find out which blah blah blah associated with the following? when I check out the properties for the blah blah blah i see that the blah blah blah, but I don't know how to blah blah blah.
----

so i reply:

you need to check out this this and this and from that, it will tell you which blah blah blah are involved.

it seems more and more that the issue scope is always wider than what they initially tell you.

----

of course he replies:

i'll have a look at calculations and formulas and get back to you.
yes, I agree with you. i've addressed the issue with them that we've been having with the business giving us the wrong information or simply leaving things out of the requirements. It's partly due to various users only having partial knowledge of what the others do, so that leads to some confusion. in any event, it causes more work and frustration for us.
----

us? us?? you mean me!! it causes more work and frustration for me!! there is no us!!

bobblehead attack!

and we can barely get three people approved ....

just speaking for myself

are you glad you don't have one?


and also ...

aren't you glad you take one at least once a day?

alone again, naturally

no, i'm not back to being single.

i'm just being literal.

with some bad viruses downing a couple of my colleagues ... sorry, those are all the colleagues i have! ... it falls upon me, your humble blogger, to hold the fort so to speak. holding the fort in this case means, being the sole person responsible for the office. can you imagine this? a decent company earning a modest black bottom line has only three full time employees, and is currently being manned by one man. time to wear the multitasking hat. for a week.

note: this is being blogged after the fact, which just goes to show, i don't even have the time for bathroom breaks. or posting (yeah right).

how long have i been in this place? its been a long journey since i roamed Greenbelt when it still wasn't the G it is now. if it hadn't been for an 18-month break with Urban Bank (r.i.p. Sir Ted Borlongan), i would have an uninterrupted 14-year iron man streak with the same company. would you believe they gave me my first job? i still have that newspaper ad from the Manila Bulletin.

and speaking of that newspaper ad, it said "some travel required". or something like that. basta, it involved the word "travel". after several trips to China (and some good horror stories), i thought it was going to be that way forever. i had no inkling that i would end up here in the Big Apple. New York was just a fantastical place i read about in my comics.

ah, but before i would get to these mean streets that Rudy cleaned up, i was sent to Orlando first. that was like heaven. they tell me to support a few customers (nowadays they call you a call center agent), gave you a nice 1 BR apartment and a car (how i miss that Cougar) and let you live your own life. for just a measly $45 a day, i was still able to send a balikbayan box or two back home from time to time. now that am a full-time salaried employee? bleeeh.

Orlando was a dream job location then. but it already provided me glimpses of holding the fort - what with salespeople mostly on the road most of the time, leaving me to my own devices in the office (Napster!!!). punch out at 5, drive around, get home just in time to watch Friends and Seinfeld, and do it all again tomorrow. no wonder i got fat.

and in keeping with the lone wolf theme, i was the last employee there when we closed the Orlando office and moved to New York. i remember holding the company signboard and tossing it in the back seat, and drove away playing "New York State of Mind".

i count myself lucky to have been taken by the company on a permanent basis despite the economic ills brought about 9/11. all the crazy shit it created (paranoid and gung-ho Yanks masquerading as patriots, stupid airline security policies, the Iraq mess, the immigration chokehold, no salary raises since) i barely squlame ... sorry, squarely blame on those jackasses who flew the planes in the towers. thanks a lot, jerks. i hope those 77 virgins are actually AIDS-infected cryogenically-frozen spinsters.

ok, ok, am rambling.

there were only two of us taken from our Manila office. nobody followed since, except for short stints and those were few and far in between. but since 2 out of 3 of the current personnel are Pinoys, then hell, i consider this the Manila Extension office.

three people making up an office seem pathetic. would you rather be a jack of all trades, enjoying a bit more freedom and leeway in your working environment, or be a cog in the big machine, neutered by strict policies but only saddled with specific tasks and responsibilities? even i am torn on that one.

so here i was, having the whole week and the office to myself. maybe if i were younger i'd skip to watch a movie (yeah you know who you are!). but no, there's too many calls and problems to analyze to even consider going to lunch. ok, that's a bit extreme but you know what i mean.

despite the novelty of being alone (means i can play Crystal Method at a non-dog audio level), i look forward to have my colleagues back next week.

fired for blogging!

i guess i should be glad i don't work for CNN?