argh.

all hail ...

... the power of Bauer!

Venice, LA just got nuked. Jack just shot and killed one of his closest friends. Kumar is a terrorist. the guvmint is close to suspending civil liberties. and with 4 more nukes out there - woooohoooo! Thanks, Fox, for panicking the morons in this country!

1st and 10 (conference champs)

"no, YOU calm down!"

i'm torn about the AFC championship because of the two teams playing. i like the Patriots, but after 3 championships, the TomBridget thing, that erosion of class and a slowburn souring on Sith Lord Belichick ... i kinda wanted them to get eliminated prior to this. on the other hand, there's Peyton Manning, whose every single failure i whooped up with glee (same reaction with his grudgingly-funny commercials). hey, the guy has CAA toiling to make him more money. and winning a SuperBowl will mean a lot more Manning commercials in the next few years, so much that it would be annoying. a-yiaaaa.

the NFC ... has been inferior to the AFC for awhile now. so between the Bears and the Saints, i think i'll just pick the Saints, because i don't trust Rex Grossman beating anyone on the big stage. he's been lucky so far, and even with the Bears' quality defense, the Colts carved up the Baltimore Ravens D, so it really don't mean jack.

so let's say the Saints win the NFC ... and if they meet the Colts, they'll have a chance with the two-headed hydra of Deuce McAllister and Reggie Bush. now, if the Saints meet the Patriots, you know as well as i do Sith Lord Belichick doesn't frakkin' care if this is America's Team, or if the Saints were composed of Katrina orphans - - - he's gonna stomp his foot down on their necks.

playoff prognostication record so far: 3-5

New Orleans at Chicago ... we believe!
New England at Indianapolis ... can we just blow them both up instead?

11

11 Rules for Clueless Teenagers
from Bill Gates himself (allegedly; somebody verify it)

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were.

So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

hot daym!

hope this isn't a joke!


so another what, 3 years for the tarjeta verde?

gg2007

Golden Globe Updates (as they roll along):

haven't seen any "major" movie yet this year, so who cares? i'll get to that later.

best supporting actress (pick): Cate Blanchett
best supporting actress (won): Jennifer Hudson (take that, Beyoncé!)

(oh, wait, Beyoncé's nominated for best actress ... so she still could win. fuck.)

best original song: Prince's Song of the Heart (from Happy Feet - shit, we should watch that).

best supporting actor - TV series (pick): Masi Oka (Heroes - he's crazy)
best supporting actor - TV series (won): Jeremy Irons (Elizabeth I)

best actress - TV drama (pick): Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
best actress - TV drama (won): same

Jessica Biel - hooohaaaa!

best supporting actress - TV series (pick): Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)
best supporting actress - TV series (won): Emily Blunt (Gideon's Daughter)

best actor - TV drama (pick): Keifer Sutherland (24)
best actor - TV drama (won): Hugh Laurie (House)

best animated feature (pick): Cars
best animated feature (won): same

best actress - musical or comedy (pick): Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada)
best actress - musical or comedy (won): same

Salma Hayek - rooooooooooooowwwwwrrr!

best supporting actor (pick) - Brad Pitt (Babel)
best supporting actor (won) - Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls) what?!? Scary Spice, make a scene right now!!!

best actor - TV mini series (pick): André Braugher (Thief)
best actor - TV mini series (won): Bill Nighy (Gideon's Daughter)

best actress - TV mini series (pick): Helen Mirren (Elizabeth I)
best actress - TV mini series (won): same

best actor -TV comedy (pick): Steve Carrell (The Office)
best actor -TV comedy (won): Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)

best TV series - comedy (pick): Ugly Betty
best TV series - comedy (won): woooohoooooo!

best foreign language film (pick): Pan's Labrynth
best foreign language film (won): Letters from Iwo Jima

best actress - TV comedy (pick): America Ferrera (Ugly Betty)
best actress - TV comedy (won): woooohoooooooooo!

Warren Beatty, babymaker.

best director (pick): Martin Scorsese (The Departed)
best director (won): finally! next, the long-awaited Oscar?

best actor - musical or comedy (pick): Borat
best actor - musical or comedy (won): waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

best motion pic - musical or comedy (pick): Borat
best motion pic - musical or comedy (won): Dreamgirls

best TV series - drama (pick): 24
best TV series - drama (won): Grey's Anatomy

best actress - drama (pick): Helen Mirren (The Queen)
best actress - drama (won): same

best actor - drama (pick): Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)
best actor - drama (won): haha!

best motion picture (pick): The Departed
best motion picture (won): Babel

that's all, folks! (and git to the theaters)

die whitey

from Overheard in the Office:

White customer, pointing at Filipino bag boy: Is he black, or is he white?! I just can't tell...
Cashier: Um, he's Filipino.
White customer: I don't care what religion he is, I just wanna know his race.
Cashier: He's Filipino.
White customer: No wonder you're just a cashier.

No wonder all the world hates you.

choka

stupid Ravens. can't stop any, can't score any. aaaargh.

i need ice cream.

well, shoot.

damn, i think they're shooting an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent right down our street. i think i saw Mr. Big himself.

and i don't have my camera! aaaaaaargh!

good thing someone else had a better cellphone cam than mine.
















-----
thanks to Bubs for the paparazzi shots.

1st and 10 (divisional playoffs)

back in September, i was rooting for a few teams to go to the postseason. how did my picks turn out?

AFC
Patriots - still playing. suddenly, i have this sensation of wanting the Pats to be beaten. maybe its Tom Brady dumping Bridget Moynahan. maybe its Bill Belichick becoming a Sith Lord.
Jets - now out. still, great job, Man-genius.
Steelers - out. funny how they're out while Seattle (SuperBowl losers and usually SuperBowl losers don't even make the playoffs the following year), is still alive.
Bengals - out. in jail.
Jaguars - out. shame.
Texans - out. i'm starting to quit on them too.
Chiefs - now out. after backing in. well, at least they made the playoffs.
Chargers - my fave to win it all. die, Sith Lord!!!

NFC
Rams - out. wasted Steven Jackson's phenomenal season
Cardinals - out. Mike Holmgren is laughing at me.
Buccaneers - out. another year down the toilet.
Panthers - out. shame.
Giants - now out. i want to post a pic of the EMF - the Eli Manning Face. where he personifies shocked disbelief.
Redskins - out. overpaid mismanaged shame.
Bears - will Rex Grossman finally play without stinking? abangan.
Lions - out. shamefully.

wow, that's 3 out of 16! 3!!! and only one out of the stinking NFC. i won't complain if Nawlins wins it all though. this shows i can pick games, but i can't pick playoff contenders.

wait, i can't pick games either. went 1-3 last week. darn it. the Colts are still in there. its up to you now, Ravens.

Indianapolis at Baltimore ... hope the 3-4 is still a mystery for Mr. Regular Season.
Philadelphia at New Orleans ... i believe!
Seattle at Chicago ... don't let me say "gross, man."
New England at San Diego ... die, Sith Lord!!!

now its winter!

taken a few moments ago. brrrrrr!

next!

auld lang syne

i'll give this post to the pastor of the local St. Patrick's (not a pub!!!), who cracks up the congregation every sundae, i mean ... sunday. let's give it up for the Rev. Joseph Nagle (a.k.a. the Big Kahuna).

Three men were watching a kids' baseball game. A large group of nuns suddenly moved into the row infront of them, and their habits made it difficult for the men to see the game.

The first man said loudly. "I think I should go to Wisconsin. I heard there are only 10 nuns there."

The second man took up the cue and said, "I think I'll move to Idaho. There are only 5 nuns there." The nuns ignored the men.

The third guy, trying to annoy them further, said loudly, "I think I'll move to Montana; there's only one nun there."

Finally exasperated, one nun stood up and faced the men. "Why don't you guys go to Hell? There are no nuns there!"

- - -

A teacher had requested her pupils to draw what they pictured what happened during Christmas. Most of the kids drew the usual Nativity scene - the Holy Family, the shepherds, the angels, the manger. One girl drew a picture of a plane with four stick figures in it.

When the teacher saw this, she asked the girl what it represented. "Well, the plane represents the flight into Egypt." she replied.

"Okay, but what about the four figures?" the teacher asked.

The girl brightened up and said, "Well, they represent, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and Pontius the Pilot."

Merry Christmas and a happy 2007 to all!

postseason

Ten Things I Thinked:
- playoff time! one more month before we glumly track the NBA through the winter blues until its own playoffs come spring.
- was rooting like crazy for the Broncos to get ousted - Shanahan will remember this.
- that being said, rest in peace, Mr. Darrent Williams.
- and i hope this is not some gambling debt.
- Giants back into playoffs, and face Iggles. i'd root for Giants but won't bank on it.
- i still remember Jim Mora Jr. promising Arthur Blank more division titles during his first year. tough, tough, tough.
- Cards also say goodbye to Denny Green. who's next, Pete Carroll?
- even though how much Herm Edwards denies it, the Chiefs did get lucky. now go beat the damn Colts!
- quo vadis, Bill Cowher?
- J, E, T, S, Jets, Jets, Jets!

Wild Card prognostications:
Kansas City at Indianapolis ... LJ has to score another 3 TDs. or more.
Dallas at Seattle ... please send T.O. home, Seahawks
New York Jets at New England ... play it again, Mr. Mangini.
New York Giants at Philadelphia ... should bet on Iggles.

last week: 11-5
overall: 151-105 (.589 winning percentage)