Ten Things I Thinked:
- classless, Detroit, just classless. i don't care what the fans say.
- Giants are melting down. next thing we know, Michael Strahan will be yelling at reporters. oh, he just did?
- ok, next thing we know, the players will be fighting in locker rooms.
- much has been said this week about Eli Manning vs Philip Rivers. of course, history will judge their careers over time, but everything is just what-have-you-done-for-me-lately.
- much also has been said about Drew Brees vs Daunte Culpepper. things happen for a reason. Nawlins needed Brees more than Miami did.
- much also has been said about LT2 (there IS an LT1, just in case the pundits forget) vs Michael Vick. Most of them on ESPN.com's Page2, and all funny and true. Long live LT2!
- speaking of Vick, imagine if he was white, and he flashed the Dirty Bird. oh, that's right, Jake Plummer already did it before.
- Jake Plummer, we hardly knew ye. ok, go into politics, man. Pat Tillman might just love that idea.
- Joseph Addai, Another Day. ok, that wasn't mine, idiot.
- here's a thought: have KKKramer/Michael Richards attend Monday Night Football and kibbitz with Tony K, Mike T and Joe T. i mean he could be rooting for the uh, black players and win some pogi points. or he could join the Football Night In America commentators on Sunday, its on NBC, former home of Seinfeld.
Week 13 Prognostications
Baltimore at Cincinnati ... time for Ravens to take control of AFC North
Minnesota at Chicago ... rivalry weekend - bring the bratwurst
Kansas City at Cleveland ... get ready for a big dose of LJ, Dawgs
San Diego at Buffalo ... what's this, Bills? a 2-game win streak?
Indianapolis at Tennessee ... why not another upset?
NY Jets at Green Bay ... playoffs or Brady Quinn?
Atlanta at Washington ... Michael Vick is a Dirty Bird
Detroit at New England ... Lions bring their classlessness to Foxboro
Arizona at St. Louis ... Rams need all the wins they can get
San Francisco at New Orleans ... two great team stories for this season
Houston at Oakland ... c'mon its just the Raiders!
Jacksonville at Miami ... will Jax wilt again?
Dallas at NY Giants ... the statement game of the season
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh ... next stop, NC State, Mr Cowher?
Seattle at Denver ... the Jay Cutler era begins
Carolina at Philadelphia ... at least you know Philly's problems
last week: 13-3
overall: 101-75 (back on track, baby!!!)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
another sign of the apocalypse
M.E.T.H.O.D. O.F. M.O.D.E.R.N. L.O.V.E.
whatever happened to harana, akyat ng ligaw, pagsisibak ng kahoy/pag-iigib ng tubig, and paghahatid/sundo?
damn, i'm too old.
whatever happened to harana, akyat ng ligaw, pagsisibak ng kahoy/pag-iigib ng tubig, and paghahatid/sundo?
damn, i'm too old.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
like unto a thing of iron
i don't know what's with me, with my affinity with things ferrous ...
heeeeee's back .... !
well, Danny has been, for a while now, posing as Daredevil temporarily. prior to that, i felt down in the dumps back in '86 when he bit the dust, not fighting evildoers, but by getting pummeled to death by a super-powered friend who was trying to wake him up. that would have been one of the stupidest super-hero deaths ever, so years later, writers retconned the whole thing by saying it wasn't the real Danny Rand who died, yadda-yadda-yadda. and then i never followed up on his resurrection and subsequent appearances until now.
Ed Brubaker, rising Marvel star and writer of currently-interesting Captain America (he brought back the long-dead Bucky Barnes, but that's another story), brings back Danny to his roots as a mystic martial artist living in the modern world (CEO of Rand Industries). in this first issue, he nixes a $10 billion deal to build trains and provide technology to China, and proves his gut instincts right as the other party turns out to be a front corporation of Hydra (longtime terrorists, like if the KGB and Communism never died and stopped funding their puppets). the art by David Aja is Jae Lee-ish, and i think this should have been done by the latter himself (who had an awesome contribution to a Wired Magazine story about those technoscammers pushing Gizmondo). still, Aja's fine.
yes, its just still one issue and i'm already foaming at the mouth. hmmm. i should do this more often.
i'm looking forward to Danny hooking up with Luke Cage again. oh, and there's another Iron Fist? interesting ...
heeeeee's back .... !well, Danny has been, for a while now, posing as Daredevil temporarily. prior to that, i felt down in the dumps back in '86 when he bit the dust, not fighting evildoers, but by getting pummeled to death by a super-powered friend who was trying to wake him up. that would have been one of the stupidest super-hero deaths ever, so years later, writers retconned the whole thing by saying it wasn't the real Danny Rand who died, yadda-yadda-yadda. and then i never followed up on his resurrection and subsequent appearances until now.
Ed Brubaker, rising Marvel star and writer of currently-interesting Captain America (he brought back the long-dead Bucky Barnes, but that's another story), brings back Danny to his roots as a mystic martial artist living in the modern world (CEO of Rand Industries). in this first issue, he nixes a $10 billion deal to build trains and provide technology to China, and proves his gut instincts right as the other party turns out to be a front corporation of Hydra (longtime terrorists, like if the KGB and Communism never died and stopped funding their puppets). the art by David Aja is Jae Lee-ish, and i think this should have been done by the latter himself (who had an awesome contribution to a Wired Magazine story about those technoscammers pushing Gizmondo). still, Aja's fine.
yes, its just still one issue and i'm already foaming at the mouth. hmmm. i should do this more often.
i'm looking forward to Danny hooking up with Luke Cage again. oh, and there's another Iron Fist? interesting ...
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
R.I.P., Dave Cockrum
one of my favorite X-Men issues everthank you, Mr. Cockrum, for being part of the magic of my youth.
Monday, November 27, 2006
rough trade
Let's start with this:
at least i was open-minded. perhaps the current raves and $$$ being raked in changed the doubters' minds eh?
if only for that crappy event as i described above, i will have to watch this film again and again. you know the DVD is going to get added to my collection.
my BFG beats your BFG
ah, what can i say? fresh air. no invisible car, no trick gadgets, no sly humor ... Daniel Craig smashes the Bond image and remakes it in his own. i can hear the howls from the Moore and Brosnan purists. ok, fellas, they were good and they had their runs. i loved them. but at the same time you can't be eating the same food everyday. that being said, i miss Q. oh, wait. this is a reboot. we'll see Q back in Bond #22.
what's not to like? gritty in-your-face action (parkour, anyone?), with the bull-in-a-china-shop approach. fast cars. Bond as human as can be, whether opening a can of whupass on someone, or falling in love. solid supporting roles by Giancarlo Giannini (the memorable Pazzi in Hannibal) and Jeffrey Wright (a black Felix Leiter). oh, and look, there's the trademark Michael Wilson sighting! and the signature introduction gets saved for last. brilliant!
oh if we must quibble ... LeChiffre's not that a big leaguer when it comes to bad guys (and he gets offed by someone else). and i'm a little unconvinced about Eva Green. also thanks to the (young American-with-Mediterranean-ethnicity) assholes two rows behind, i got distracted during the talky portions.
you know what they say ... blonds have more fun.
despite being trounced at the box office two weeks in a row by a bunch of dancing penguins ... let it be said: Bond is back!
This is to call your attention to an incident that occurred last Friday night, November 24 at the Alpine Cinema 5, for the 7:45 PM screening of “Casino Royale”.
A group of young men (teenagers) were at the two last rows of the right side, and as teenagers these days are wont to do, were being boisterous and playful. I am used to certain audiences in your cinema; however in my previous experiences there, such groups tend to quiet down when the movie commences.
It wasn't to be this time around as the rudeness level started to increase thru the film, annoying most of the other patrons of the cinema. Most of us just wanted to spend a typical Friday night in the neighborhood cinema, and were trying to understand where this latest James Bond plot was taking us. Thanks to certain (paying) customers, we were denied even this simple pleasure.
The young men seemed to be all together in a group, though it didn't seem that way when at least twice during the screening; some of them nearly came to blows, heaping insults upon each other, while some tried to calm their rowdy friends down. We suspect it was all just an act just to annoy the other customers of the cinema, because they were laughing together again thereafter. At one point, we even smelled the familiar scent of someone smoking. As if their incessant talking and arguing weren't enough. Not to highlight certain stereotypes or anything, but these young teenagers loudly cheered when Algeria was mentioned in the film (Eva Green's character had an Algerian necklace of sorts). Obviously the Bay Ridge neighborhood is what it is, but then again, it speaks volumes about manners and respect, and how certain sectors of American society have no clue what these are. Perhaps we can just isolate it to age and immaturity? I am curious as to how these young men behaved, if they did watch “Borat” in the Alpine.
An Alpine staffer was called in during these events, and obviously, the offending parties were not even listening to his warning, or scared enough to behave. We understand that since the Alpine Cinema has been under a financial strain of late, and there is no need for tighter and robust security to maintain order (most of the time?). However, as last Friday's incident demonstrates, it is unfair for the remaining 90% of the patrons to sit through such an ordeal and nothing is done about the offending 10% (who, at the conclusion of the movie, ran out in seconds to avoid a potentially angry mob). People exhibiting boorish behavior should be thrown out after two reasonable warnings; it doesn't matter if there's 2 of them or 20, or if they're 18 or 80.
The Alpine has been a great neighborhood haunt, being an institution in itself; the convenient location and affordable ticket price enhances its community value. But if at that cost we would have to tolerate rowdy patrons, perhaps it’s better to pay a bit more elsewhere for a safer, enjoyable movie experience.
at least i was open-minded. perhaps the current raves and $$$ being raked in changed the doubters' minds eh?
if only for that crappy event as i described above, i will have to watch this film again and again. you know the DVD is going to get added to my collection.
my BFG beats your BFG
ah, what can i say? fresh air. no invisible car, no trick gadgets, no sly humor ... Daniel Craig smashes the Bond image and remakes it in his own. i can hear the howls from the Moore and Brosnan purists. ok, fellas, they were good and they had their runs. i loved them. but at the same time you can't be eating the same food everyday. that being said, i miss Q. oh, wait. this is a reboot. we'll see Q back in Bond #22.
what's not to like? gritty in-your-face action (parkour, anyone?), with the bull-in-a-china-shop approach. fast cars. Bond as human as can be, whether opening a can of whupass on someone, or falling in love. solid supporting roles by Giancarlo Giannini (the memorable Pazzi in Hannibal) and Jeffrey Wright (a black Felix Leiter). oh, and look, there's the trademark Michael Wilson sighting! and the signature introduction gets saved for last. brilliant!
oh if we must quibble ... LeChiffre's not that a big leaguer when it comes to bad guys (and he gets offed by someone else). and i'm a little unconvinced about Eva Green. also thanks to the (young American-with-Mediterranean-ethnicity) assholes two rows behind, i got distracted during the talky portions.
you know what they say ... blonds have more fun.
despite being trounced at the box office two weeks in a row by a bunch of dancing penguins ... let it be said: Bond is back!
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
1st and 10 (Week 12)
turkey talk starts early.
Week 12 Prognostications
Miami at Detroit ... Joey H returns to Motor City
Tampa Bay at Dallas ... Romo is the Homo! ("the Man")
Denver at Kansas City ... bring the Broncos down!
Cincinnati at Cleveland ... another Battle of Ohio
Jacksonville at Buffalo ... Jags should start playoff push
Pittsburgh at Baltimore ... hmmm, hard choice. let's pick Ravens.
New Orleans at Atlanta ... Falcons are in free fall
Carolina at Washington ... time to hang it up, Joe Gibbs
San Francisco at St. Louis ... who PWNS who?
Arizona at Minnesota ... wake up, Vikings!
Houston at NY Jets ... oh crap. a low-scoring game, i think.
Oakland at San Diego ... 4 more TDs, LT!
Chicago at New England ... wow! now i should watch this!
NY Giants at Tennessee ... will the Jints rediscover their winning ways?
Philadelphia at Indianapolis ... Manning vs Garcia. puh-leaze.
Green Bay at Seattle ... Packers could even squeak by.
last week: 8-8
overall: 88-72
Week 12 Prognostications
Miami at Detroit ... Joey H returns to Motor City
Tampa Bay at Dallas ... Romo is the Homo! ("the Man")
Denver at Kansas City ... bring the Broncos down!
Cincinnati at Cleveland ... another Battle of Ohio
Jacksonville at Buffalo ... Jags should start playoff push
Pittsburgh at Baltimore ... hmmm, hard choice. let's pick Ravens.
New Orleans at Atlanta ... Falcons are in free fall
Carolina at Washington ... time to hang it up, Joe Gibbs
San Francisco at St. Louis ... who PWNS who?
Arizona at Minnesota ... wake up, Vikings!
Houston at NY Jets ... oh crap. a low-scoring game, i think.
Oakland at San Diego ... 4 more TDs, LT!
Chicago at New England ... wow! now i should watch this!
NY Giants at Tennessee ... will the Jints rediscover their winning ways?
Philadelphia at Indianapolis ... Manning vs Garcia. puh-leaze.
Green Bay at Seattle ... Packers could even squeak by.
last week: 8-8
overall: 88-72
Saturday, November 18, 2006
1st and 10 (Week 11)
thoughts from last week:
- teh Jets? playoffs? huzzaaaaah!!
- be a sport, Mr. Belichick. c'mon now.
- can't find any rip of the Chargers-Bengals shootout - help!!
- the Giants were just caught off guard for that kick return - sad
- Jeremy Shockey, quiet thereafter? Shocking!
- the Pack is back! (ok, i may have just jinxed them)
- Jay Cutler, Jay Cutler
- OSU vs Michigan 3pm today!
- good news! NFL finally allows coaches to wear suits! about time!!!!
- which then leads me to my 10 favorite NFL coaches
Jets coach Eric Mangini (fresh craftiness) and his predecessor, now Kansas City Chiefs coach Herman Edwards (dogged old school)
Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears (classy)
Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars (born leader) and Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans (quiet confidence and nice spiky hair)
John Fox, Carolina Panthers (defensive genius) and Mike Nolan, San Francisco 49ers (dignified and hard-working - was at the forefront of the suiting-up campaign)
Scott Linehan, St Louis Rams (calming presence)
two SuperBowl champs: Brian Billick, Baltimore Ravens (tech-savvy) and the Jaw, Bill Cowher, Pittsburgh Steelers (he-man and spit cannon)
Week 11 Prognostications
St. Louis at Carolina ... should be close
Washington at Tampa Bay ... it'd be amazing if anyone showed up
Cincinnati at New Orleans ... desperate Bengals need a win
Tennessee at Philadelphia ... Philly needs to catch up
Chicago at NY Jets ... make sure the play is dead before leaving the field
Minnesota at Miami ... where art thou, Daunte Culpepper?
Oakland at Kansas City ... Green returns, but Huard should play
New England at Green Bay ... the Genius must've been sick all week
Pittsburgh at Cleveland ... animosity renewed
Atlanta at Baltimore ... where art thou, o Michael Vick?
Buffalo at Houston ... keep chopping wood, both o' ya
Detroit at Arizona ... it'd be amazing if anyone showed up, part 2
Seattle at San Francisco ... will Shaun and Matt show up? J-Pete returns!
Indianapolis at Dallas ... ah! first big chance to defeat the undefeated
San Diego at Denver ... even without Merriman, Bolts are playing well
NY Giants at Jacksonville ... slugfest of 2 battered teams
last week: 8-8
overall: 80-64
- teh Jets? playoffs? huzzaaaaah!!
- be a sport, Mr. Belichick. c'mon now.
- can't find any rip of the Chargers-Bengals shootout - help!!
- the Giants were just caught off guard for that kick return - sad
- Jeremy Shockey, quiet thereafter? Shocking!
- the Pack is back! (ok, i may have just jinxed them)
- Jay Cutler, Jay Cutler
- OSU vs Michigan 3pm today!
- good news! NFL finally allows coaches to wear suits! about time!!!!
- which then leads me to my 10 favorite NFL coaches
Jets coach Eric Mangini (fresh craftiness) and his predecessor, now Kansas City Chiefs coach Herman Edwards (dogged old school)
Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears (classy)
Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars (born leader) and Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans (quiet confidence and nice spiky hair)
John Fox, Carolina Panthers (defensive genius) and Mike Nolan, San Francisco 49ers (dignified and hard-working - was at the forefront of the suiting-up campaign)
Scott Linehan, St Louis Rams (calming presence)
two SuperBowl champs: Brian Billick, Baltimore Ravens (tech-savvy) and the Jaw, Bill Cowher, Pittsburgh Steelers (he-man and spit cannon)
Week 11 Prognostications
St. Louis at Carolina ... should be close
Washington at Tampa Bay ... it'd be amazing if anyone showed up
Cincinnati at New Orleans ... desperate Bengals need a win
Tennessee at Philadelphia ... Philly needs to catch up
Chicago at NY Jets ... make sure the play is dead before leaving the field
Minnesota at Miami ... where art thou, Daunte Culpepper?
Oakland at Kansas City ... Green returns, but Huard should play
New England at Green Bay ... the Genius must've been sick all week
Pittsburgh at Cleveland ... animosity renewed
Atlanta at Baltimore ... where art thou, o Michael Vick?
Buffalo at Houston ... keep chopping wood, both o' ya
Detroit at Arizona ... it'd be amazing if anyone showed up, part 2
Seattle at San Francisco ... will Shaun and Matt show up? J-Pete returns!
Indianapolis at Dallas ... ah! first big chance to defeat the undefeated
San Diego at Denver ... even without Merriman, Bolts are playing well
NY Giants at Jacksonville ... slugfest of 2 battered teams
last week: 8-8
overall: 80-64
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
waiting game
PS3 launches on friday. of course, 90% of of us who want one won't get one. i already convinced myself to wait till 2007. i got my PS1 and 2 way beyond the release date (making me a johnny -come-lately, but i strongly object - not everyone has money, you rich lazyasses), so waiting is not a problem (its getting some games at full price when i already have the machine that's a problem).
Lair, Factor 5
wait, now i will have more problems - i will be forced to get an HDTV now, because having a PS3 without one is like having a Lamborghini Diablo parked in your garage and not taking it out in the highways. this means i will not eat for about, say six months.
anyway, here's some cheery advice from the PS Godfather, Ken Kutaragi, as told to Newsweek:
What's the best way to get a PS3 if you're not on the list?
The best way is waiting, but maybe you have some lucky friend who can get a PS3. So please visit your friend's home to share and enjoy future entertainment.
Resistance: Fall of Man, Insomniac Games
so, who will be my lucky friend? Will you be my lucky friend? Will you?
ah, well ... version 1.0 of anything never works 100% anyway. plus, here's more cheery news from all over.
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/471602p-396736c.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6146328.stm
so in the meantime, i might just spring for an XBox 360. yeah, wipe that grin off your face, Gates; am just kidding. will you send me one though, with a free Gears of War? if you do, you can bet i will buy Halo 3 next year.
Lair, Factor 5
wait, now i will have more problems - i will be forced to get an HDTV now, because having a PS3 without one is like having a Lamborghini Diablo parked in your garage and not taking it out in the highways. this means i will not eat for about, say six months.
anyway, here's some cheery advice from the PS Godfather, Ken Kutaragi, as told to Newsweek:
What's the best way to get a PS3 if you're not on the list?
The best way is waiting, but maybe you have some lucky friend who can get a PS3. So please visit your friend's home to share and enjoy future entertainment.
Resistance: Fall of Man, Insomniac Games
so, who will be my lucky friend? Will you be my lucky friend? Will you?
ah, well ... version 1.0 of anything never works 100% anyway. plus, here's more cheery news from all over.
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/471602p-396736c.html
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6146328.stm
so in the meantime, i might just spring for an XBox 360. yeah, wipe that grin off your face, Gates; am just kidding. will you send me one though, with a free Gears of War? if you do, you can bet i will buy Halo 3 next year.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
another day in paradise
James Bond DVD collection review #20
Die Another Day (2002) - Lee Tamahori
The Plot
A rags-to-riches adventurer suddenly becomes a worldwide philanthropist and diamond businessman but what is his connection to a rogue North Korean soldier whom Bond was prisoner-swapped for? Bond teams up with a sexy NSA operative to find out the truth, the whole truth, and another way to avoid the clutches of Father Time and Death. And of course, stop that satellite over our heads which 'can harness the power of the sun' and also turn us all into sizzling sisig. hello, Moonraker?
Grade: B+
Locales
North/South Korea, Hong Kong, Cuba, London, Iceland
Grade: A-
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Shaken but not stirred. An obviously graying and a bit middle-heavy Brosnan returns for the 20th Bond film on its 40th anniversary. There were some mitigating circumstances as to why this turned out to be his last Bond film, but he does go out in style, and his 8-year run as the world's most famous secret agent is just as good as any before him.
Jesus? Jesus, is that you?
Grade: B+
The Villain(s)
Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens) - GG. Not the fish. A maverick operator that echoes shades of Gates and Branson built his diamond empire overnight. Bond discovers that his diamonds are copycats, which would explain his market share and resources - an ice palace in Iceland, the latest hardware and technology, and a killer satellite (i mean, where are the checks and balances in this world?). It was great unveiling the plot twist that the slick businessman was none other than ...
Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee) - Hardline North Korean military man itching to invade his southern neighbors at the drop of a pin, contrary to the his General father's conciliatory stance. In the first part of the film, Bond stops his weapons build-up just off the DMZ and manages to drop him off a waterfall - but Bond pays the price by being a year-long house guest of the Commies. Surviving and undergoing a radical DNA transfer process in Cuba, Col. Moon ironically takes on a new personality similar to Bond - a dashing playboy millionaire named Gustav Graves, and never gives up on his dream to reunite the two Koreas. By force, of course.
Zao (Rick Yune) - Colonel Moon's main partner, and all-around badass. His face disfigured when Bond rigged a diamond cache with C-4, Jinx and Bond interrupt his getting the same DNA treatment in Cuba. Goes head to head with Bond's Aston Martin with his pimped-out Jaguar XKR. Loses and gets buried in ice water.
i've heard of piercings and expressing yourself, but this is so ... over!
Vlad (Mikhail Gorevoy) - Graves' tech guy, whose just as dumb as any. Gets swept out of a 747 during the final battle at 30,000 feet.
Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) - henchman who gets some uh, head laser surgery courtesy of Jinx. I swear, they have a Henchmen Union that through the years, provided muscle and numbers for the next Bond villain. In effect, they change employers every couple or years or so.
Grade: A-
The Girl(s)
Jinx (Halle Berry) - Fresh off Monster's Ball, the Oscar-winning Berry takes on less serious matters to play Giacinta 'Jinx' Johnson, NSA operative who has as much gadgets and derring-do as Bond but still needs him to save her ass. At least she was better here than in Catwoman.
the Ursula Andress for the next generation. maybe.
Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) - A great find whose previous work was confined to TV, Pike plays the aptly-named ice queen, a covert MI-6 agent inserted into Graves' organization as his publicist, but turns out to be the traitor that sent Bond to the NoKor slammer. At 5'9" with musical talents and a Magna Cum Laude (English Lit), Ros is formidable indeed. An Olympic-class fencer in the film, she of course, dies by the sword (or to be specific, Jinx's knife).
that's one thing she never got off her chest (booooooo! lame!)
Peaceful Fountains of Desire (Rachel Grant) - Yes, that was her character's name, a masseuse sent by the Chinese Reds to find out what Bond was up to. And despite the small role, Grant is no slouch in the name-drop department. She was born in the Philippines but her grampa is Baron Raymond De Longueuil (a second cousin to the Queen), making her pops Michael Charles Grant son and heir to the Baron's line of royalty. Start Googling her, dorks.
Ms Moneypenny (Samantha Bond) - And to finally finish it all, yes, by all means let's have the long-suffering MI-6 secretary as part of the Girls lineup (the character has been there right from the beginning). After 19 films enduring Bond's teasing and double-entendres, and even a marriage, she finally gets to ...
... or maybe not.
I don't care what you say, and I don't care if she has a few clever lines; Madonna will never make it to this list.
Grade: A
Gadgets
This is hands-down the most high-tech of all the Bond films - where do I even start?
We can start with the tricked-out cars (boys will be boys) - the film marks a return to the Aston Martin line with the Vanquish ... ah yes, the car. How is it different? Of course, it has all the usual armaments and armor. But now with great CGI techniques, Bond can have an invisible car. An invisible car! Assuredly, this is Tom Swift territory and if MI-6 could cook up all this gadgets, we should be able to stop terrorists even before they can execute their dastardly plans. Why do we build gadgets to eliminate the problem, instead of preventing the problem? That being said, invisibility is always über-cool. It helped Bond defeat Zao in the ice palace.
if everyone had one, we'd all be in emergency rooms or dead. so no.
Bond and his cohorts invade Korea by surfing - no, not via the Internet, idiot - and their surfboards concealed a motherlode of extra devices like explosives and a transmitter (used to hijack the contact for Colonel Moon) doubling as a combat knife.
Bond is given another Omega watch by Q ("its your twentieth, I believe" - in reference to this 20th Bond outing) which has a laser. Earlier, his 19th watch had a detonator for C-4 explosives (used to create a diversion - and subsequently scar pretty boy Zao's face).
One of the cooler things given by Q was the sonic agitator ring, which when twisted, emitted high-decibel sonics to shatter glass. Bond uses it twice - a mark of usefulness.
Jinx, not to be outdone, uses a cellphone as a timer for detonating a bomb, as well as a rappelling device.
Graves, of course has his Icarus satellite and his high-tech suit, capable of communicating with the satellite, as well as generating 100kV of electricity (talk about a joy buzzer).
are friends electric? do androids dream of electric sheep?
Grade: A-
Bond Moments
We never see Bond suffering that much, so when the opener (a brazen assault on a North Korean shores and walking into the lion's den and orchestrating an escape similar to Tomorrow Never Dies) results in Bond getting imprisoned for a year - and the eventual rescinding of his license to kill - you know its going to get interesting.
Curses! The franchise finally softens its stance on swear words - Jinx calls Miranda a "bitch". In all the Bond movies, despite all the naughty talk, characters never ever say bad words.
The makers of South Park, watching the Graves' Icarus satellite decimate the DMZ like God's wrath from heaven, found their bogeyman and started working on Team America.
new extreme sport: Avoid The Jet Engine!
Bond, perhaps still smarting from M's decision to let him rot in a Korean cell and only pull him out because she thought he broke down, shoots, well, nicks her - in a hostage situation while using a virtual reality headset.
The new Q (not cottoning to Bond's quip for him to be called R), John Cleese, as usual makes the rounds of gadget showcasing, and suffers through Bond's penchant to mess around with things he shouldn't touch (ex. Rosa Klebb's spiked shoe in From Russia With Love and the jet-pack from Thunderball). Of course, it is Bond who is visibly impressed when Q unveils the new Aston Martin Vanquish ...
And technology also plays a hand in one of the best moments - where Ms Moneypenny uses Q's virtual reality headgear, and finally gets Bond to make good on all the '40 years' of teasing.
Grade: A-
One Liners
Miranda: This is crazy. You're a double O.
Bond: It's only a number...
Gooooooooaaaaallll!
Mr. Chang: Hong Kong's our turf now, Bond.
Bond: Well, don't worry. I'm not here to take it back.
Bond: Give me the old fashioned target range, Quartermaster.
Q: Yes, well, it's called the future, so get used to it.
Bond: Check the tape. You'll find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound.
Q: There's always an excuse, isn't there, Double-O-Zero?
Q: ... Your new transportation!
[sees nothing on the platform]
Bond: I think you've been down here too long...
Verity: I see you handle your weapon well.
Bond: I have been known to keep my tip up.
Graves: Care to place a bet, Verity?
Verity: No, thanks. I don't like cockfights.
Miranda: I'll show you your room.
Bond: A palace of ice; you must feel right at home.
Miranda: Mr. Bond. And Miss...?
Jinx: Swift, "Space and Technology" magazine.
Miranda: Really? I take it Mr. Bond's been explaining his Big Bang theory?
Jinx: Oh yeah, I think I got the thrust of it.
Bond: You know, I've missed your sparkling personality.
Zao: [punching Bond in the stomach] How's that for a punch line?
Grade: A-
Overall
Perhaps panned in retrospect due to its heavy use of gadgetry (an invisible car, indeed!), the franchise had to keep playing out the "can-you-top-this" card, even at the expense of putting bits and pieces of what was already done before, to a pastiche that really works more than doesn't. How else were you going to raise the stakes? You've barely seen Bond squirm or suffer at the hands of villains (in my mind, only one qualifies: the death of his wife Tracy at the hands of Ernst Blofeld through Irma Bunt in OHMSS), so putting him in torture row while the world changed, blurring his purpose in the world, was a welcome change. We've been too coddled. We actually get a bit more coddling here, when a simple matter of putting a bullet in Jinx's head turns into a foreplay with laser surgery (which fails) and death by drowning in ice water (also fails). Alas, after being captured and tortured, Bond would never allow that to happen again. The movie succeeds, even with its soulless gadgetry, even with Madonna. And you knew Desmond Llewelyn's ghost was hiding there somewhere.
Well, screw the critics ($456M gross). Every new Bond is like a visit from a longtime friend. And this coming Friday, after 4 long years, the friend is stopping by once again. 20 years of gadgetry, breath-taking stunts and gorgeous women will be rebooted for a new era. Hope it'll be as glorious as the last one.
In closing, I'm leaving you and this two-year, 20-film review (whew!) with a line from Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs), who plays bull-headed NSA Director Damien Falco, which may succinctly describes this thing I foisted on you, dear reader:
Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.
Grade: A-
Die Another Day (2002) - Lee Tamahori
The Plot
A rags-to-riches adventurer suddenly becomes a worldwide philanthropist and diamond businessman but what is his connection to a rogue North Korean soldier whom Bond was prisoner-swapped for? Bond teams up with a sexy NSA operative to find out the truth, the whole truth, and another way to avoid the clutches of Father Time and Death. And of course, stop that satellite over our heads which 'can harness the power of the sun' and also turn us all into sizzling sisig. hello, Moonraker?
Grade: B+
Locales
North/South Korea, Hong Kong, Cuba, London, Iceland
Grade: A-
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Shaken but not stirred. An obviously graying and a bit middle-heavy Brosnan returns for the 20th Bond film on its 40th anniversary. There were some mitigating circumstances as to why this turned out to be his last Bond film, but he does go out in style, and his 8-year run as the world's most famous secret agent is just as good as any before him.
Jesus? Jesus, is that you?
Grade: B+
The Villain(s)
Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens) - GG. Not the fish. A maverick operator that echoes shades of Gates and Branson built his diamond empire overnight. Bond discovers that his diamonds are copycats, which would explain his market share and resources - an ice palace in Iceland, the latest hardware and technology, and a killer satellite (i mean, where are the checks and balances in this world?). It was great unveiling the plot twist that the slick businessman was none other than ...
Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee) - Hardline North Korean military man itching to invade his southern neighbors at the drop of a pin, contrary to the his General father's conciliatory stance. In the first part of the film, Bond stops his weapons build-up just off the DMZ and manages to drop him off a waterfall - but Bond pays the price by being a year-long house guest of the Commies. Surviving and undergoing a radical DNA transfer process in Cuba, Col. Moon ironically takes on a new personality similar to Bond - a dashing playboy millionaire named Gustav Graves, and never gives up on his dream to reunite the two Koreas. By force, of course.
Zao (Rick Yune) - Colonel Moon's main partner, and all-around badass. His face disfigured when Bond rigged a diamond cache with C-4, Jinx and Bond interrupt his getting the same DNA treatment in Cuba. Goes head to head with Bond's Aston Martin with his pimped-out Jaguar XKR. Loses and gets buried in ice water.
i've heard of piercings and expressing yourself, but this is so ... over!
Vlad (Mikhail Gorevoy) - Graves' tech guy, whose just as dumb as any. Gets swept out of a 747 during the final battle at 30,000 feet.
Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) - henchman who gets some uh, head laser surgery courtesy of Jinx. I swear, they have a Henchmen Union that through the years, provided muscle and numbers for the next Bond villain. In effect, they change employers every couple or years or so.
Grade: A-
The Girl(s)
Jinx (Halle Berry) - Fresh off Monster's Ball, the Oscar-winning Berry takes on less serious matters to play Giacinta 'Jinx' Johnson, NSA operative who has as much gadgets and derring-do as Bond but still needs him to save her ass. At least she was better here than in Catwoman.
the Ursula Andress for the next generation. maybe.
Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) - A great find whose previous work was confined to TV, Pike plays the aptly-named ice queen, a covert MI-6 agent inserted into Graves' organization as his publicist, but turns out to be the traitor that sent Bond to the NoKor slammer. At 5'9" with musical talents and a Magna Cum Laude (English Lit), Ros is formidable indeed. An Olympic-class fencer in the film, she of course, dies by the sword (or to be specific, Jinx's knife).
that's one thing she never got off her chest (booooooo! lame!)
Peaceful Fountains of Desire (Rachel Grant) - Yes, that was her character's name, a masseuse sent by the Chinese Reds to find out what Bond was up to. And despite the small role, Grant is no slouch in the name-drop department. She was born in the Philippines but her grampa is Baron Raymond De Longueuil (a second cousin to the Queen), making her pops Michael Charles Grant son and heir to the Baron's line of royalty. Start Googling her, dorks.
Ms Moneypenny (Samantha Bond) - And to finally finish it all, yes, by all means let's have the long-suffering MI-6 secretary as part of the Girls lineup (the character has been there right from the beginning). After 19 films enduring Bond's teasing and double-entendres, and even a marriage, she finally gets to ...
... or maybe not.
I don't care what you say, and I don't care if she has a few clever lines; Madonna will never make it to this list.
Grade: A
Gadgets
This is hands-down the most high-tech of all the Bond films - where do I even start?
We can start with the tricked-out cars (boys will be boys) - the film marks a return to the Aston Martin line with the Vanquish ... ah yes, the car. How is it different? Of course, it has all the usual armaments and armor. But now with great CGI techniques, Bond can have an invisible car. An invisible car! Assuredly, this is Tom Swift territory and if MI-6 could cook up all this gadgets, we should be able to stop terrorists even before they can execute their dastardly plans. Why do we build gadgets to eliminate the problem, instead of preventing the problem? That being said, invisibility is always über-cool. It helped Bond defeat Zao in the ice palace.
if everyone had one, we'd all be in emergency rooms or dead. so no.
Bond and his cohorts invade Korea by surfing - no, not via the Internet, idiot - and their surfboards concealed a motherlode of extra devices like explosives and a transmitter (used to hijack the contact for Colonel Moon) doubling as a combat knife.
Bond is given another Omega watch by Q ("its your twentieth, I believe" - in reference to this 20th Bond outing) which has a laser. Earlier, his 19th watch had a detonator for C-4 explosives (used to create a diversion - and subsequently scar pretty boy Zao's face).
One of the cooler things given by Q was the sonic agitator ring, which when twisted, emitted high-decibel sonics to shatter glass. Bond uses it twice - a mark of usefulness.
Jinx, not to be outdone, uses a cellphone as a timer for detonating a bomb, as well as a rappelling device.
Graves, of course has his Icarus satellite and his high-tech suit, capable of communicating with the satellite, as well as generating 100kV of electricity (talk about a joy buzzer).
are friends electric? do androids dream of electric sheep?
Grade: A-
Bond Moments
We never see Bond suffering that much, so when the opener (a brazen assault on a North Korean shores and walking into the lion's den and orchestrating an escape similar to Tomorrow Never Dies) results in Bond getting imprisoned for a year - and the eventual rescinding of his license to kill - you know its going to get interesting.
Curses! The franchise finally softens its stance on swear words - Jinx calls Miranda a "bitch". In all the Bond movies, despite all the naughty talk, characters never ever say bad words.
The makers of South Park, watching the Graves' Icarus satellite decimate the DMZ like God's wrath from heaven, found their bogeyman and started working on Team America.
new extreme sport: Avoid The Jet Engine!
Bond, perhaps still smarting from M's decision to let him rot in a Korean cell and only pull him out because she thought he broke down, shoots, well, nicks her - in a hostage situation while using a virtual reality headset.
The new Q (not cottoning to Bond's quip for him to be called R), John Cleese, as usual makes the rounds of gadget showcasing, and suffers through Bond's penchant to mess around with things he shouldn't touch (ex. Rosa Klebb's spiked shoe in From Russia With Love and the jet-pack from Thunderball). Of course, it is Bond who is visibly impressed when Q unveils the new Aston Martin Vanquish ...
And technology also plays a hand in one of the best moments - where Ms Moneypenny uses Q's virtual reality headgear, and finally gets Bond to make good on all the '40 years' of teasing.
Grade: A-
One Liners
Miranda: This is crazy. You're a double O.
Bond: It's only a number...
Gooooooooaaaaallll!
Mr. Chang: Hong Kong's our turf now, Bond.
Bond: Well, don't worry. I'm not here to take it back.
Bond: Give me the old fashioned target range, Quartermaster.
Q: Yes, well, it's called the future, so get used to it.
Bond: Check the tape. You'll find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound.
Q: There's always an excuse, isn't there, Double-O-Zero?
Q: ... Your new transportation!
[sees nothing on the platform]
Bond: I think you've been down here too long...
Verity: I see you handle your weapon well.
Bond: I have been known to keep my tip up.
Graves: Care to place a bet, Verity?
Verity: No, thanks. I don't like cockfights.
Miranda: I'll show you your room.
Bond: A palace of ice; you must feel right at home.
Miranda: Mr. Bond. And Miss...?
Jinx: Swift, "Space and Technology" magazine.
Miranda: Really? I take it Mr. Bond's been explaining his Big Bang theory?
Jinx: Oh yeah, I think I got the thrust of it.
Bond: You know, I've missed your sparkling personality.
Zao: [punching Bond in the stomach] How's that for a punch line?
Grade: A-
Overall
Perhaps panned in retrospect due to its heavy use of gadgetry (an invisible car, indeed!), the franchise had to keep playing out the "can-you-top-this" card, even at the expense of putting bits and pieces of what was already done before, to a pastiche that really works more than doesn't. How else were you going to raise the stakes? You've barely seen Bond squirm or suffer at the hands of villains (in my mind, only one qualifies: the death of his wife Tracy at the hands of Ernst Blofeld through Irma Bunt in OHMSS), so putting him in torture row while the world changed, blurring his purpose in the world, was a welcome change. We've been too coddled. We actually get a bit more coddling here, when a simple matter of putting a bullet in Jinx's head turns into a foreplay with laser surgery (which fails) and death by drowning in ice water (also fails). Alas, after being captured and tortured, Bond would never allow that to happen again. The movie succeeds, even with its soulless gadgetry, even with Madonna. And you knew Desmond Llewelyn's ghost was hiding there somewhere.
Well, screw the critics ($456M gross). Every new Bond is like a visit from a longtime friend. And this coming Friday, after 4 long years, the friend is stopping by once again. 20 years of gadgetry, breath-taking stunts and gorgeous women will be rebooted for a new era. Hope it'll be as glorious as the last one.
In closing, I'm leaving you and this two-year, 20-film review (whew!) with a line from Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs), who plays bull-headed NSA Director Damien Falco, which may succinctly describes this thing I foisted on you, dear reader:
Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.
Grade: A-
to die like this
(November 14, 1875—December 2, 1899)
despite the humiliation of being left to rot on the roadside for 2 days after his death in Tirad Pass, Gregorio Del Pilar commanded the respect of both his countrymen and the American enemy. he had the courage and honor to lay down his life for what he believed in, unlike the popular soldier with whom he shared a first name, and who wasted his opportunity and disgraced his uniform.
anybody want to make a proper movie of his life? where's Raymond Red? Kidlat Tahimik? Mel Chionglo? (oops) Peque Gallaga? (double ooops)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
1st and 10 (Week 10)
thoughts from last week:
- T.O. has B.O.! (sorry, that's the kindest thing i can say about the jerk)
- Mike & Mike are totally hilarious!
- Rutgers hoo-haaa!
- Washington vs Dallas, 22-19. somebody was generous enough to upload an HD rip. thanks!
- should we write off the Steel City?
- i can forgive David Carr for his celebratory gestures; guy doesn't have much to celebrate in the last 4 years.
- LT vs LJ: always great fun to watch. Shaun who?
- sometimes Bill Belichick can dial arrogance up to the max (ignoring Eric Mangini? what the hell's that about? and don't even start with the injury lists and how he's not part of the NFL head coaches union).
- that being said, i still felt down when the Pats lost to the Colts
- dirty nuts!
Week 10 Prognostications
NY Jets at New England ... Pats beat up on next team after loss
Washington at Philadelphia ... more divisional slugfests
Cleveland at Atlanta ... so was passing Vick just a cameo?
Kansas City at Miami ... Fins can't pull another upset, can they?
Green Bay at Minnesota ... let's all pray for a shootout
San Francisco at Detroit ... somehow "Santa Clara 49ers" seem weird
Buffalo at Indianapolis ... 9-0. ho-hum.
Baltimore at Tennessee ... Air McNair returns home
Houston at Jacksonville ... Jags want payback
San Diego at Cincinnati ... unhappy players = loss
Denver at Oakland ... Shanahan sticks it to Al Davis one more time
Dallas at Arizona ... Cowboys may be let off the hook
St. Louis at Seattle ... should be a shootout, but won't
New Orleans at Pittsburgh ... scratch off Steelers from playoffs
Chicago at NY Giants ... now this is a statement game
Tampa Bay at Carolina ... Gradkowski! Delhomme! MNF! WTF!
last week: 6-8
overall: 72-56
- T.O. has B.O.! (sorry, that's the kindest thing i can say about the jerk)
- Mike & Mike are totally hilarious!
- Rutgers hoo-haaa!
- Washington vs Dallas, 22-19. somebody was generous enough to upload an HD rip. thanks!
- should we write off the Steel City?
- i can forgive David Carr for his celebratory gestures; guy doesn't have much to celebrate in the last 4 years.
- LT vs LJ: always great fun to watch. Shaun who?
- sometimes Bill Belichick can dial arrogance up to the max (ignoring Eric Mangini? what the hell's that about? and don't even start with the injury lists and how he's not part of the NFL head coaches union).
- that being said, i still felt down when the Pats lost to the Colts
- dirty nuts!
Week 10 Prognostications
NY Jets at New England ... Pats beat up on next team after loss
Washington at Philadelphia ... more divisional slugfests
Cleveland at Atlanta ... so was passing Vick just a cameo?
Kansas City at Miami ... Fins can't pull another upset, can they?
Green Bay at Minnesota ... let's all pray for a shootout
San Francisco at Detroit ... somehow "Santa Clara 49ers" seem weird
Buffalo at Indianapolis ... 9-0. ho-hum.
Baltimore at Tennessee ... Air McNair returns home
Houston at Jacksonville ... Jags want payback
San Diego at Cincinnati ... unhappy players = loss
Denver at Oakland ... Shanahan sticks it to Al Davis one more time
Dallas at Arizona ... Cowboys may be let off the hook
St. Louis at Seattle ... should be a shootout, but won't
New Orleans at Pittsburgh ... scratch off Steelers from playoffs
Chicago at NY Giants ... now this is a statement game
Tampa Bay at Carolina ... Gradkowski! Delhomme! MNF! WTF!
last week: 6-8
overall: 72-56
Thursday, November 09, 2006
around the world
James Bond DVD collection review #19
The World Is Not Enough (1999) - Michael Apted
The Plot
Any story involving Denise Richards should be taken with a grain of salt and a lot of ogling. Mmmmm ... Denise Richards. Ok, sorry. Back to the program. An oil magnate, Robert King, gets killed within MI-6 headquarters, and all signs point to a former KGB assassin who previously kidnapped King's daughter, Elektra. Bond then uncovers a plot to put the world's oil supply in the hands of one person, with a staged nuclear explosion obliterating Istanbul, and Elektra may or may not be so innocent after all. A trifle complicated story (just let the science stuff slide by), but one more on a personal level to the Bond mythos.
Grade: B+
Locales
Bilbao, London, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Istanbul
Grade: B+
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Approaching the five zero line, Brosnan seems in good shape for a daredevil secret agent (note that Roger Moore played the role well into his 50s). It does the character a lot of good here, being off-balance and playing catch-up for most of the movie. Brosnan puts his acting chops to good use, because we have an angry man here.
Grade: A-
The Villain(s)
Renard (Victor Zokas) (Robert Carlyle, OBE) - ex-KGB assassin turned terrorist; another agent put a bullet in his brain, but not enough to kill him. However, it numbed his nerves and his ability to feel pain - that is until the bullet finally reaches his cerebral cortex and kills him. In short, a man already dead with nothing to lose. Kidnaps Elektra King, eventually becomes her lover and partner to remake the world. Carlyle, best known for his work in Trainspotting and The Full Monty, is a menacing villain, although I feel its a kind of understated menace.
Trivia note: By the way, we should always put the OBE after his name, because the dude's an Officer of the Order of the British Empire. Brosnan has an honorary one too. Moore in the meantime, is a Knight, outranking them both.
"Give. Me. Back. My Video iPod!"
Gabor (John Seru) - Strongman/bodyguard for Elektra King.
Bull (Mr. Bullion) (Goldie) - a henchman for Valentin Zukovsky (Robbie Coltrane, reprising the role) but secretly in Elektra King's payroll. Shot by Zukovsky himself. Goldie is UK electonica artist, specializing in drum n' bass.
Sasha Davidov (Ulrich Thomsen) - another King henchman tasked to impersonate a Russian Atomic Energy official, for Renard's ploy to steal plutonium from a decommissioned ICBM site. Bond takes his place instead.
Mr Lachaise (Patrick Malahide) - banker who kept Robert King's money and unwittingly retrieved by Bond, which was set up to explode upon close proximity to King's lapel pin.
Grade: B+
The Girl(s)
Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) - heiress to a billion dollar oil business, Elektra was stricken with Stockholm Syndrome during her kidnapping. Teaming up with her own captor Renard, she proceeds to a) kill off her father; b) kill off M for advising her father during her kidnapping; and c) destroy competing oil pipelines via a staged nuclear explosion in the Bosphorus using a hijacked Russian submarine, leaving her company as the sole provider of oil in Europe. Talk about a woman's wrath. I guess it was fitting that Bond kills a Bond girl, for the first time ever.
forget about the French surrendering ... you'd give yourself up for her
Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) - I guess B-movies can attract some casting agent's attention. And just like Teri Hatcher before her, she snags a plum role - as a nuclear weapons expert cleaning up a Russian missile base where unfortunately, Renard was planning to steal enough plutonium for a nuclear blast. Of course, you'll have the sly Christmas jokes somewhere in the movie. And to be honest, this seems like the highlight of Denise's career - what with the ugly divorce with Charlie Sheen and this. As Luke Cage would say, "Christmas!"
if this is a nuclear physicist, then i'm an astronaut.
Dr. Molly Warmflash (Serena Scott Thomas) - I seriously doubt if there was anyone in London named Warmflash. Do you? Really? Anyway, she's the in-house MI-6 doctor who "clears" Bond for active duty, after sustaining injuries from falling on the then-unfinished Millennium Dome.
Julietta the Cigar Girl (Maria Grazia Cucinotta) - Cigar Girl? More like Kickass Girl. After nearly killing Bond at MI-6 HQ, leads him around the Thames in a high-speed powerboat chase, then commits suicide in a hot air balloon. One of the few that slipped through Bond's hands. Not bad for the village girl in Il Postino.
"you never called, you never wrote, you left me pregnant..."
Grade: A
Gadgets
In keeping up with the heavy ad-placement, Visa issues him a credit card lockpick (notice that he never uses the same gadget twice, even though the earlier versions may be much more efficient).
Early in the film, his Walther P99 handgun creates a stun flash and lets him overpower the "Swiss bankers" surrounding him.
Bond also gets to impress Christmas early with the grappling hook attached to his watch which allows him to leap over buildings in a single bound! - ok, no, just to get out of a silo in the ground.
X-Ray glasses probably can be bought at any science kit store. Of course, Bond uses them to check out who's packing heat; you know, he's not gonna uh, use them to check out women's underwear.
Bond gets to ride in two nifty vehicles this time around - a mini-speedboat used to chase Julietta around the Thames and some London streets (actually, Q's "fishing" boat - which puts the old guy in a foul mood) and a new BMW roadster (which only has limited screentime with its taking out an enemy helicopter with a rocket before being sliced in two - literally - which again, should've put Q in a foul mood).
Speaking of the Q branch, among its showcased goodies would be a bagpipe-cum-flame thrower, and the "safety ball" - a jacket that inflates into a protective rubber cage shaped like a ball (which he uses on the ski slopes to protect Elektra and himself from an explosion and a small avalanche).
Dadgum! So that's how they built Shirley Manson!
Grade: B+
Bond Moments
You have the requisite Bond stuff - car chases, boat chases, ski chases, escape from underwater, wanton destruction of property. Three stand out: the 15-minute opener where he chases Julietta around the Thames (in one sequence, his speedboat dives underwater and coolly fixes his tie before resurfacing), the destruction of Zukovsky's caviar factory with the use of helicopters that have tree-cutters (a vertical set of circular blades), and the high-speed pursuit of an explosive device through an empty oil pipeline (that would make a cool ride in a James Bond theme park someday ... c'mon make it happen, people!!).
Again, as a nod to past films, the ending has the MI-6 people looking for Bond in Istanbul, but thermal imaging shows him lying down alone - until a pair of legs appear underneath him.
think about it this way ... its good practice for the Winter Olympics
M gets to have some more substantial screentime than chewing out 007 by getting imprisoned, and taking a page from Bond himself, uses the batteries of a clock to power the homing device of the nuclear device that Renard stole.
Once again, Q steals Bond's thunder by hinting of his retirement (i guess if Bond's improvisational use of his speedboat wasn't enough, the wrecking of the BMW would convince it was enough stress to deal with Bond), and introducing his eventual replacement, R (perfectly done by the respected John Cleese). Desmond Llewelyn, son of a Welsh coal miner, a British Army 2nd Lieutenant in WWII, a real-life gadget-hater, and the only actor to work with all 5 James Bonds (to that date), died in an car accident in 1999 after the release of the movie.
Yeah, that even trumped Bond shooting Elektra dead.
Grade: A-
One Liners
Bond: ...A shadow operation?
M: ...Remember 007, shadows always remain in front or behind... never on top.
Bond: Construction isn't exactly my speciality.
M: Quite the opposite, in fact.
Bond: Let's skirt the subject, shall we...?
[Takes off Dr. Warmflash's lower garments]
Ms. Moneypenny: James! Have you brought me a souvenir from your trip? Chocolates? An engagement ring?
Bond: I thought you might enjoy one of these.
[gives Ms. Moneypenny a cigar tube]
Ms. Moneypenny: How romantic. I know exactly where to put that.
[throws the cigar tube in the garbage]
James Bond: Oh Moneypenny, the story of our relationship: close, but no cigar.
"Oh, James! Is that what I think it is?"
Bond: I've always wanted to have Christmas in Turkey.
Christmas: Was that a Christmas joke?
Bond: From me? Never.
Bond: [in bed with Jones] I was wrong about you.
Christmas: Yeah, how so?
Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.
Zukovsky: Can't you just say "hello" like a normal person?
Bond: What's your plan for the bomb?
Renard: You first. Or could it be you don't have a plan?
Bond: That bomb will never leave this room.
Renard: Neither will you.
Bond: If you're Q, does that make him R?
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
Julietta: Would you like to check my figures?
Bond: Oh, I'm sure they're perfectly rounded.
trust me on this: the guy holding Denise Richards is still bragging about it today.
Bond: I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime. Right, Q?
Q: Oh, pipe down, 007!
Bond: Was it something I said?
Q: No, something you destroyed. My fishing boat! For my retirement, away from you!
Q: I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
Bond: And the second?
Q: Always have an escape plan.
Exit Stage Down.
Grade: A-
Overall
The World is Not Enough, with the title taken from the Bond family motto, strives to be a darker film than the past two, with seemingly everyone being damaged by the events around them - an unfeeling and dying Renard, a psychotic Elektra, and even Bond himself loses his trademark cool at times (and we all got retinal damage ogling Christmas Jones). Which probably makes Michael Apted, the 3rd different Bond director since John Glen and whose dramatic credits include Coal Miner's Daughter and Gorky Park, a suitable helmer for the project. It was the time of the Y2K hysteria and no one knew what would happen at the turn of the millennium - hence, the dark tone of the film. It would then quite a twist of fate - or maybe fittingly - that the beloved Desmond Llewelyn would also take his leave prior to the turning point.
Grade: A-
The World Is Not Enough (1999) - Michael Apted
The Plot
Any story involving Denise Richards should be taken with a grain of salt and a lot of ogling. Mmmmm ... Denise Richards. Ok, sorry. Back to the program. An oil magnate, Robert King, gets killed within MI-6 headquarters, and all signs point to a former KGB assassin who previously kidnapped King's daughter, Elektra. Bond then uncovers a plot to put the world's oil supply in the hands of one person, with a staged nuclear explosion obliterating Istanbul, and Elektra may or may not be so innocent after all. A trifle complicated story (just let the science stuff slide by), but one more on a personal level to the Bond mythos.
Grade: B+
Locales
Bilbao, London, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Istanbul
Grade: B+
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Approaching the five zero line, Brosnan seems in good shape for a daredevil secret agent (note that Roger Moore played the role well into his 50s). It does the character a lot of good here, being off-balance and playing catch-up for most of the movie. Brosnan puts his acting chops to good use, because we have an angry man here.
Grade: A-
The Villain(s)
Renard (Victor Zokas) (Robert Carlyle, OBE) - ex-KGB assassin turned terrorist; another agent put a bullet in his brain, but not enough to kill him. However, it numbed his nerves and his ability to feel pain - that is until the bullet finally reaches his cerebral cortex and kills him. In short, a man already dead with nothing to lose. Kidnaps Elektra King, eventually becomes her lover and partner to remake the world. Carlyle, best known for his work in Trainspotting and The Full Monty, is a menacing villain, although I feel its a kind of understated menace.
Trivia note: By the way, we should always put the OBE after his name, because the dude's an Officer of the Order of the British Empire. Brosnan has an honorary one too. Moore in the meantime, is a Knight, outranking them both.
"Give. Me. Back. My Video iPod!"
Gabor (John Seru) - Strongman/bodyguard for Elektra King.
Bull (Mr. Bullion) (Goldie) - a henchman for Valentin Zukovsky (Robbie Coltrane, reprising the role) but secretly in Elektra King's payroll. Shot by Zukovsky himself. Goldie is UK electonica artist, specializing in drum n' bass.
Sasha Davidov (Ulrich Thomsen) - another King henchman tasked to impersonate a Russian Atomic Energy official, for Renard's ploy to steal plutonium from a decommissioned ICBM site. Bond takes his place instead.
Mr Lachaise (Patrick Malahide) - banker who kept Robert King's money and unwittingly retrieved by Bond, which was set up to explode upon close proximity to King's lapel pin.
Grade: B+
The Girl(s)
Elektra King (Sophie Marceau) - heiress to a billion dollar oil business, Elektra was stricken with Stockholm Syndrome during her kidnapping. Teaming up with her own captor Renard, she proceeds to a) kill off her father; b) kill off M for advising her father during her kidnapping; and c) destroy competing oil pipelines via a staged nuclear explosion in the Bosphorus using a hijacked Russian submarine, leaving her company as the sole provider of oil in Europe. Talk about a woman's wrath. I guess it was fitting that Bond kills a Bond girl, for the first time ever.
forget about the French surrendering ... you'd give yourself up for her
Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) - I guess B-movies can attract some casting agent's attention. And just like Teri Hatcher before her, she snags a plum role - as a nuclear weapons expert cleaning up a Russian missile base where unfortunately, Renard was planning to steal enough plutonium for a nuclear blast. Of course, you'll have the sly Christmas jokes somewhere in the movie. And to be honest, this seems like the highlight of Denise's career - what with the ugly divorce with Charlie Sheen and this. As Luke Cage would say, "Christmas!"
if this is a nuclear physicist, then i'm an astronaut.
Dr. Molly Warmflash (Serena Scott Thomas) - I seriously doubt if there was anyone in London named Warmflash. Do you? Really? Anyway, she's the in-house MI-6 doctor who "clears" Bond for active duty, after sustaining injuries from falling on the then-unfinished Millennium Dome.
Julietta the Cigar Girl (Maria Grazia Cucinotta) - Cigar Girl? More like Kickass Girl. After nearly killing Bond at MI-6 HQ, leads him around the Thames in a high-speed powerboat chase, then commits suicide in a hot air balloon. One of the few that slipped through Bond's hands. Not bad for the village girl in Il Postino.
"you never called, you never wrote, you left me pregnant..."
Grade: A
Gadgets
In keeping up with the heavy ad-placement, Visa issues him a credit card lockpick (notice that he never uses the same gadget twice, even though the earlier versions may be much more efficient).
Early in the film, his Walther P99 handgun creates a stun flash and lets him overpower the "Swiss bankers" surrounding him.
Bond also gets to impress Christmas early with the grappling hook attached to his watch which allows him to leap over buildings in a single bound! - ok, no, just to get out of a silo in the ground.
X-Ray glasses probably can be bought at any science kit store. Of course, Bond uses them to check out who's packing heat; you know, he's not gonna uh, use them to check out women's underwear.
Bond gets to ride in two nifty vehicles this time around - a mini-speedboat used to chase Julietta around the Thames and some London streets (actually, Q's "fishing" boat - which puts the old guy in a foul mood) and a new BMW roadster (which only has limited screentime with its taking out an enemy helicopter with a rocket before being sliced in two - literally - which again, should've put Q in a foul mood).
Speaking of the Q branch, among its showcased goodies would be a bagpipe-cum-flame thrower, and the "safety ball" - a jacket that inflates into a protective rubber cage shaped like a ball (which he uses on the ski slopes to protect Elektra and himself from an explosion and a small avalanche).
Dadgum! So that's how they built Shirley Manson!
Grade: B+
Bond Moments
You have the requisite Bond stuff - car chases, boat chases, ski chases, escape from underwater, wanton destruction of property. Three stand out: the 15-minute opener where he chases Julietta around the Thames (in one sequence, his speedboat dives underwater and coolly fixes his tie before resurfacing), the destruction of Zukovsky's caviar factory with the use of helicopters that have tree-cutters (a vertical set of circular blades), and the high-speed pursuit of an explosive device through an empty oil pipeline (that would make a cool ride in a James Bond theme park someday ... c'mon make it happen, people!!).
Again, as a nod to past films, the ending has the MI-6 people looking for Bond in Istanbul, but thermal imaging shows him lying down alone - until a pair of legs appear underneath him.
think about it this way ... its good practice for the Winter Olympics
M gets to have some more substantial screentime than chewing out 007 by getting imprisoned, and taking a page from Bond himself, uses the batteries of a clock to power the homing device of the nuclear device that Renard stole.
Once again, Q steals Bond's thunder by hinting of his retirement (i guess if Bond's improvisational use of his speedboat wasn't enough, the wrecking of the BMW would convince it was enough stress to deal with Bond), and introducing his eventual replacement, R (perfectly done by the respected John Cleese). Desmond Llewelyn, son of a Welsh coal miner, a British Army 2nd Lieutenant in WWII, a real-life gadget-hater, and the only actor to work with all 5 James Bonds (to that date), died in an car accident in 1999 after the release of the movie.
Yeah, that even trumped Bond shooting Elektra dead.
Grade: A-
One Liners
Bond: ...A shadow operation?
M: ...Remember 007, shadows always remain in front or behind... never on top.
Bond: Construction isn't exactly my speciality.
M: Quite the opposite, in fact.
Bond: Let's skirt the subject, shall we...?
[Takes off Dr. Warmflash's lower garments]
Ms. Moneypenny: James! Have you brought me a souvenir from your trip? Chocolates? An engagement ring?
Bond: I thought you might enjoy one of these.
[gives Ms. Moneypenny a cigar tube]
Ms. Moneypenny: How romantic. I know exactly where to put that.
[throws the cigar tube in the garbage]
James Bond: Oh Moneypenny, the story of our relationship: close, but no cigar.
"Oh, James! Is that what I think it is?"
Bond: I've always wanted to have Christmas in Turkey.
Christmas: Was that a Christmas joke?
Bond: From me? Never.
Bond: [in bed with Jones] I was wrong about you.
Christmas: Yeah, how so?
Bond: I thought Christmas only comes once a year.
Zukovsky: Can't you just say "hello" like a normal person?
Bond: What's your plan for the bomb?
Renard: You first. Or could it be you don't have a plan?
Bond: That bomb will never leave this room.
Renard: Neither will you.
Bond: If you're Q, does that make him R?
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
Julietta: Would you like to check my figures?
Bond: Oh, I'm sure they're perfectly rounded.
trust me on this: the guy holding Denise Richards is still bragging about it today.
Bond: I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime. Right, Q?
Q: Oh, pipe down, 007!
Bond: Was it something I said?
Q: No, something you destroyed. My fishing boat! For my retirement, away from you!
Q: I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
Bond: And the second?
Q: Always have an escape plan.
Exit Stage Down.
Grade: A-
Overall
The World is Not Enough, with the title taken from the Bond family motto, strives to be a darker film than the past two, with seemingly everyone being damaged by the events around them - an unfeeling and dying Renard, a psychotic Elektra, and even Bond himself loses his trademark cool at times (and we all got retinal damage ogling Christmas Jones). Which probably makes Michael Apted, the 3rd different Bond director since John Glen and whose dramatic credits include Coal Miner's Daughter and Gorky Park, a suitable helmer for the project. It was the time of the Y2K hysteria and no one knew what would happen at the turn of the millennium - hence, the dark tone of the film. It would then quite a twist of fate - or maybe fittingly - that the beloved Desmond Llewelyn would also take his leave prior to the turning point.
Grade: A-
dedicated solemnly and gleefully to Mr. Desmond Llewelyn (1914-1999)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
always a day away
James Bond DVD collection review #18
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) - Roger Spottiswoode
The Plot
Someone is trying to sell news by creating them. Who else could it be but a media magnate, with the power and resources of small country behind him - hey, stealth ship, anyone? I mean, what audacity - to spark a war between the Brits and the Chinese (set prior to the 1997 Hong Kong handover). And it does make sense - consolidating and restricting the flow of information (the Internet was still foreign to the masses then) can make you a god. Utterly delicious.
Grade: A
"I'm James Hong, and this is my associate, Miss Kong."
Locales
Russia, Hamburg, Vietnam, South China Sea
Grade: B+
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Brosnan fully settles into the Bond role, smoothly making the character his own as well keeping up with the mannerisms that it called for. He even renews his verbal jousting with Ms Moneypenny. The world is in good hands.
Grade: A
The Villain(s)
Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce) - Hello, Mr. Robert Maxwell! Hello, Mr. Ted Turner! Hello, Mr. Rupert Murdoch! Hello, Mr. Roger Ailes! For those not in the know, those names are giants who built media empires. These personalities, plus a huge does of megalomania, have melded into the Bond villain of the piece. Carver, who heads the slyly-named CMGN (Carver Media Group Network), aims to use the powers of the Fourth Estate, technology and plain old skullduggery to achieve global domination of information. I mean, they were Fox News before we even hated Fox News. And as usual with these 'geniuses', their egos become their downfall. Even M makes a sly analogy to Maxwell, who perished at sea in 1991. Pryce, true to his strong theater background, effortlessly plays Carver like a slightly demented child excited with his toys and the malicious things he could do with them.
"And the heat is on in Saigon ... wait, am I in Vietnam right now?"
Mr. Stamper (Götz Otto) - German colossus who eerily looks like Robert Shaw in From Russia With Love. Stamper is the henchman who's assigned to terminate Bond but keeps letting the peons do the dirty work. Never gets to torture Bond like he promised, especially after Bond kills his assassin mentor. At the least he didn't endure a slow death, buying it in the the destruction of Carver's stealth ship.
Henry Gupta (Ricky Jay) - Gupta is Carver's techno-wizard, doing everything from programming nuclear warheads, selling arms to terrorists and eavesdropping on his employer's wife. Too bad he makes the wrong choice in bosses, as Carver nonchalantly shoots him when Bond takes him hostage. Trivia note: Jay is a noted magician, and served as consultant for two recent magic-themed films, The Illusionist and The Prestige.
Dr. Kaufman (Vincent Schiavelli) - Self-styled master of torture and assassination, and mentor to Stamper. Last contract gets him killed. There's even a slightly funny exchange between him and Bond as he holds off shooting him because Stamper called and needed the information to open Bond's car - the assassin gets slightly embarrassed with this development.
Grade: A-
The Girl(s)
Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh) - It's about time we had Asian women kick ass along with Bond (the two bitches from You Only Live Twice don't count)! Yeoh more than acquits herself with the stuntwork, and her character's written intelligently - she even finds the sunken British frigate even without Bond's intel or help.
Paris Carver (Teri Hatcher) - Fresh off Lois and Clark, Hatcher snares a plum role (even if she was alive barely 24 hours in film time) as Elliot Carver's wife, and an ex-girlfriend of Bond. If it didn't get her killed the first time around, it sure did this time.
To Botox or not to Botox ... that is the question!
Trivia note: Italian screen goddess Monica Belucci also tested for the part - imagine that!?
Prof. Inga Bergstrom (Cecilie Thomsen) - Danish language professor at Oxford, tutor to James Bond at odd hours. Prime candidate for appearing at sci-fi/fantasy conventions in later years for achievement as a (part-time) Bond girl. That and having been Bryan Adams' girlfriend.
P.R. Lady (Daphne Deckers) - Carver's publicist gets fired on the spot when the mogul gets cut in midst of his worldwide network broadcast debut. Another girl who would parlay her appearance for potential future earnings. Beaten out of the Paris role by Hatcher. At least already has 1996 Wimbledon champ Richard Krajicek for a husband.
Grade: A
Gadgets
The best gadget, perhaps even with the rest of the Bond arsenal, is the multitool that an Ericsson cell phone can be - it functions as a lock pick, a fingerprint scanner and a stun gun. But hold on - it can even drive Bond's new BMW (the franchise ditched the Aston Martins in the last film and replaced it with BMWs)! The new 750iL earns its price tag by saving Bond with its usual tricked-out enhancements like rocket launchers, spikes, re-inflatable tires, hood wirecutter, tear gas dispensers and electrified protection. Q gave him only one major gadget in this film and he makes do.
Early in the film, he also uses a lighter that doubled as a grenade.
Wai Lin also has her own portfolio, like a wrist piton that allows her to scale down walls. Bond also takes his pick from her stash with a new Walther P99 and an Omega watch that also functions as a bomb detonator. Who wants to bet the Brits armed the Chinese with that?
Grade: A-
Bond Moments
Clear winners include showing up Q with his dexterity to use the touchpad on his cellphone to drive the BMW remotely ("oh, grow up, 007!") and using the actual gadget under battlefield conditions - by maneuvering out of a carpark teeming with Carver goons. Bond even shows a moment of schoolboy-ish glee as he drives the car remotely out of the building to crash into an Avis office on the opposite side of the building.
Rivaling that would the helicopter-motorcycle chase through the streets of a Vietnam city (actually Bangkok). After escaping from the Carver building, Bond and Lin decide to take a BMW R1200 (for the first time, product placement money covered the whole $110M budget - and the final worldwide take was a little more than thrice that) and then gets chased by jeeps and a chopper. Director Spottiswoode knew it would be hard to beat the tank scene in GoldenEye, so he settled with a lot of clever stunts with the bike on crowded streets that made the heroes clever with on-the-fly adjustments, and in the process, also produced a noteworthy action sequence.
"There must be a better way to dry your hair!"
There was also the moment in the car with Bond, M and Moneypenny, but I'll leave that in the One-Liners section.
Of course, we always have the usual thrillseeker opener when Bond crashes a terrorist tupperware party (ok, not by choice, the trigger-happy Brits just sent a missile to wipe out the fledgling Al-Qaedas, not knowing that there was a jet with nukes in the same party), creates havoc and commandeers a plane out of there. Oh, did I mention that he got chased by another fighter plane and another bad guy was choking him in the back seat?
And oh, look, there's longtime Bond screenwriter and current producer Michael G. Wilson!
Grade: A-
One Liners
Bond: You were pretty good with that hook.
Wai-Lin: Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike.
Bond: Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.
M: Maybe. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
[in Danish]
Inga: I am pleased with your progress, Mr. Bond
Bond: I've always enjoyed studying a new tongue, Professor.
all in a day's work
Q: Will you need collision coverage?
Bond: Yes.
Q: Fire?
Bond: Probably.
Q: Property destruction?
Bond: Definitely.
Q: Personal Injury?
Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me, 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.
Bond: [in Danish, to Moneypenny] Goodbye, my sweet.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James. [hangs up, then M walks up from behind her]
Moneypenny: Don't ask.
M: Don't tell.
Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.
Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.
[Bond's video transmission shows Gupta holding a missing American GPS encoding device]
M: I wonder with what'll the CIA be more upset - that they lost it, or that we found it?
Bond: [after throwing a baddie into a printing press] They'll print anything these days.
usually Bond gets it in the kisser
M: Use your relationship with Mrs Carver if necessary.
Bond: I doubt if she'd remember me.
M: Remind her ... then pump her for information.
Moneypenny: You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.
now that's the Moneypenny we know!
Grade: A
Overall
Originally titled Tomorrow Never Lies (a jab at the errant ways of the Press), a typo convinced producers that it was a better title (which bears little connection to the story). This was the first Bond film which had nothing to do with any Fleming elements but still catered to the legions of fans who wanted their action shaken and stirred. The product placement was a bit hard to ignore, but it paid the bills (thus earning them a tidy little sum). Longtime producer Cubby Broccoli died after the release of GoldenEye, and this was dedicated in his memory. And his beloved franchise still had legs, thanks to Brosnan's cross-strata appeal and Spottiswoode's inventive directing.
Grade: A-
"i can't believe i lost Lance Armstrong to Matt McConaughey!"
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) - Roger Spottiswoode
The Plot
Someone is trying to sell news by creating them. Who else could it be but a media magnate, with the power and resources of small country behind him - hey, stealth ship, anyone? I mean, what audacity - to spark a war between the Brits and the Chinese (set prior to the 1997 Hong Kong handover). And it does make sense - consolidating and restricting the flow of information (the Internet was still foreign to the masses then) can make you a god. Utterly delicious.
Grade: A
"I'm James Hong, and this is my associate, Miss Kong."
Locales
Russia, Hamburg, Vietnam, South China Sea
Grade: B+
The Man
Pierce Brosnan
Brosnan fully settles into the Bond role, smoothly making the character his own as well keeping up with the mannerisms that it called for. He even renews his verbal jousting with Ms Moneypenny. The world is in good hands.
Grade: A
The Villain(s)
Elliot Carver (Jonathan Pryce) - Hello, Mr. Robert Maxwell! Hello, Mr. Ted Turner! Hello, Mr. Rupert Murdoch! Hello, Mr. Roger Ailes! For those not in the know, those names are giants who built media empires. These personalities, plus a huge does of megalomania, have melded into the Bond villain of the piece. Carver, who heads the slyly-named CMGN (Carver Media Group Network), aims to use the powers of the Fourth Estate, technology and plain old skullduggery to achieve global domination of information. I mean, they were Fox News before we even hated Fox News. And as usual with these 'geniuses', their egos become their downfall. Even M makes a sly analogy to Maxwell, who perished at sea in 1991. Pryce, true to his strong theater background, effortlessly plays Carver like a slightly demented child excited with his toys and the malicious things he could do with them.
"And the heat is on in Saigon ... wait, am I in Vietnam right now?"
Mr. Stamper (Götz Otto) - German colossus who eerily looks like Robert Shaw in From Russia With Love. Stamper is the henchman who's assigned to terminate Bond but keeps letting the peons do the dirty work. Never gets to torture Bond like he promised, especially after Bond kills his assassin mentor. At the least he didn't endure a slow death, buying it in the the destruction of Carver's stealth ship.
Henry Gupta (Ricky Jay) - Gupta is Carver's techno-wizard, doing everything from programming nuclear warheads, selling arms to terrorists and eavesdropping on his employer's wife. Too bad he makes the wrong choice in bosses, as Carver nonchalantly shoots him when Bond takes him hostage. Trivia note: Jay is a noted magician, and served as consultant for two recent magic-themed films, The Illusionist and The Prestige.
Dr. Kaufman (Vincent Schiavelli) - Self-styled master of torture and assassination, and mentor to Stamper. Last contract gets him killed. There's even a slightly funny exchange between him and Bond as he holds off shooting him because Stamper called and needed the information to open Bond's car - the assassin gets slightly embarrassed with this development.
Grade: A-
The Girl(s)
Wai Lin (Michelle Yeoh) - It's about time we had Asian women kick ass along with Bond (the two bitches from You Only Live Twice don't count)! Yeoh more than acquits herself with the stuntwork, and her character's written intelligently - she even finds the sunken British frigate even without Bond's intel or help.
Paris Carver (Teri Hatcher) - Fresh off Lois and Clark, Hatcher snares a plum role (even if she was alive barely 24 hours in film time) as Elliot Carver's wife, and an ex-girlfriend of Bond. If it didn't get her killed the first time around, it sure did this time.
To Botox or not to Botox ... that is the question!
Trivia note: Italian screen goddess Monica Belucci also tested for the part - imagine that!?
Prof. Inga Bergstrom (Cecilie Thomsen) - Danish language professor at Oxford, tutor to James Bond at odd hours. Prime candidate for appearing at sci-fi/fantasy conventions in later years for achievement as a (part-time) Bond girl. That and having been Bryan Adams' girlfriend.
P.R. Lady (Daphne Deckers) - Carver's publicist gets fired on the spot when the mogul gets cut in midst of his worldwide network broadcast debut. Another girl who would parlay her appearance for potential future earnings. Beaten out of the Paris role by Hatcher. At least already has 1996 Wimbledon champ Richard Krajicek for a husband.
Grade: A
Gadgets
The best gadget, perhaps even with the rest of the Bond arsenal, is the multitool that an Ericsson cell phone can be - it functions as a lock pick, a fingerprint scanner and a stun gun. But hold on - it can even drive Bond's new BMW (the franchise ditched the Aston Martins in the last film and replaced it with BMWs)! The new 750iL earns its price tag by saving Bond with its usual tricked-out enhancements like rocket launchers, spikes, re-inflatable tires, hood wirecutter, tear gas dispensers and electrified protection. Q gave him only one major gadget in this film and he makes do.
Early in the film, he also uses a lighter that doubled as a grenade.
Wai Lin also has her own portfolio, like a wrist piton that allows her to scale down walls. Bond also takes his pick from her stash with a new Walther P99 and an Omega watch that also functions as a bomb detonator. Who wants to bet the Brits armed the Chinese with that?
Grade: A-
Bond Moments
Clear winners include showing up Q with his dexterity to use the touchpad on his cellphone to drive the BMW remotely ("oh, grow up, 007!") and using the actual gadget under battlefield conditions - by maneuvering out of a carpark teeming with Carver goons. Bond even shows a moment of schoolboy-ish glee as he drives the car remotely out of the building to crash into an Avis office on the opposite side of the building.
Rivaling that would the helicopter-motorcycle chase through the streets of a Vietnam city (actually Bangkok). After escaping from the Carver building, Bond and Lin decide to take a BMW R1200 (for the first time, product placement money covered the whole $110M budget - and the final worldwide take was a little more than thrice that) and then gets chased by jeeps and a chopper. Director Spottiswoode knew it would be hard to beat the tank scene in GoldenEye, so he settled with a lot of clever stunts with the bike on crowded streets that made the heroes clever with on-the-fly adjustments, and in the process, also produced a noteworthy action sequence.
"There must be a better way to dry your hair!"
There was also the moment in the car with Bond, M and Moneypenny, but I'll leave that in the One-Liners section.
Of course, we always have the usual thrillseeker opener when Bond crashes a terrorist tupperware party (ok, not by choice, the trigger-happy Brits just sent a missile to wipe out the fledgling Al-Qaedas, not knowing that there was a jet with nukes in the same party), creates havoc and commandeers a plane out of there. Oh, did I mention that he got chased by another fighter plane and another bad guy was choking him in the back seat?
And oh, look, there's longtime Bond screenwriter and current producer Michael G. Wilson!
Grade: A-
One Liners
Bond: You were pretty good with that hook.
Wai-Lin: Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike.
Bond: Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job.
M: Maybe. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
[in Danish]
Inga: I am pleased with your progress, Mr. Bond
Bond: I've always enjoyed studying a new tongue, Professor.
all in a day's work
Q: Will you need collision coverage?
Bond: Yes.
Q: Fire?
Bond: Probably.
Q: Property destruction?
Bond: Definitely.
Q: Personal Injury?
Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me, 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.
Bond: [in Danish, to Moneypenny] Goodbye, my sweet.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James. [hangs up, then M walks up from behind her]
Moneypenny: Don't ask.
M: Don't tell.
Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.
Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.
[Bond's video transmission shows Gupta holding a missing American GPS encoding device]
M: I wonder with what'll the CIA be more upset - that they lost it, or that we found it?
Bond: [after throwing a baddie into a printing press] They'll print anything these days.
usually Bond gets it in the kisser
M: Use your relationship with Mrs Carver if necessary.
Bond: I doubt if she'd remember me.
M: Remind her ... then pump her for information.
Moneypenny: You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.
now that's the Moneypenny we know!
Grade: A
Overall
Originally titled Tomorrow Never Lies (a jab at the errant ways of the Press), a typo convinced producers that it was a better title (which bears little connection to the story). This was the first Bond film which had nothing to do with any Fleming elements but still catered to the legions of fans who wanted their action shaken and stirred. The product placement was a bit hard to ignore, but it paid the bills (thus earning them a tidy little sum). Longtime producer Cubby Broccoli died after the release of GoldenEye, and this was dedicated in his memory. And his beloved franchise still had legs, thanks to Brosnan's cross-strata appeal and Spottiswoode's inventive directing.
Grade: A-
"i can't believe i lost Lance Armstrong to Matt McConaughey!"
Saturday, November 04, 2006
1st and 10 (Week 9)
thoughts from last week
- Tony Romo, the next Tom Brady? Poor Drew.
- unstable QB changes, not to mention the decimated Seahawks, wreck fantasy teams.
- best QB ever: LaDanian Tomlinson.
- 3 straight losses has Philly reeling into the bye week.
- Titans (nee Oilers) & Vince Young just showed up the Texans! Oh the ignominy!
- On the bright side, looks like Wali is the Texan RB.
- Welcome back, Ahman Green.
- Big Ben is tolling ominously (no repeat, Steelers).
- i think Mike Shanahan is reserving something bad for the Colts in the playoffs.
- i guess Chad still has his mohawk.
Week 9 Prognostications
Kansas City at St. Louis ... Rams bounce back
Houston at NY Giants ... Jints should take care o' bidniz
Tennessee at Jacksonville ... Jags should bounce back too
New Orleans at Tampa Bay ... hate to say this but Bucs will lose
Dallas at Washington ... will the 'Skins bounce back?
Miami at Chicago ... do the Fins look to next year?
Green Bay at Buffalo ... Favre seems rejuvenated
Cincinnati at Baltimore ... let's go, Ocho Cinco!
Atlanta at Detroit ... more bird poo for Lions
Minnesota at San Francisco ... a slight chance for an upset
Denver at Pittsburgh ... not a good time for champs
Cleveland at San Diego ... no Merriman but Bolts should win
Indianapolis at New England ... Brady vs Manning, Round 8
Oakland at Seattle ... whoever put this on MNF???
last week: 5-9 (going down the toilet)
overall: 66-48
- Tony Romo, the next Tom Brady? Poor Drew.
- unstable QB changes, not to mention the decimated Seahawks, wreck fantasy teams.
- best QB ever: LaDanian Tomlinson.
- 3 straight losses has Philly reeling into the bye week.
- Titans (nee Oilers) & Vince Young just showed up the Texans! Oh the ignominy!
- On the bright side, looks like Wali is the Texan RB.
- Welcome back, Ahman Green.
- Big Ben is tolling ominously (no repeat, Steelers).
- i think Mike Shanahan is reserving something bad for the Colts in the playoffs.
- i guess Chad still has his mohawk.
Week 9 Prognostications
Kansas City at St. Louis ... Rams bounce back
Houston at NY Giants ... Jints should take care o' bidniz
Tennessee at Jacksonville ... Jags should bounce back too
New Orleans at Tampa Bay ... hate to say this but Bucs will lose
Dallas at Washington ... will the 'Skins bounce back?
Miami at Chicago ... do the Fins look to next year?
Green Bay at Buffalo ... Favre seems rejuvenated
Cincinnati at Baltimore ... let's go, Ocho Cinco!
Atlanta at Detroit ... more bird poo for Lions
Minnesota at San Francisco ... a slight chance for an upset
Denver at Pittsburgh ... not a good time for champs
Cleveland at San Diego ... no Merriman but Bolts should win
Indianapolis at New England ... Brady vs Manning, Round 8
Oakland at Seattle ... whoever put this on MNF???
last week: 5-9 (going down the toilet)
overall: 66-48
Friday, November 03, 2006
performance jitters
Not.
Firefox has this little add-on called Performancing which allows you to blog directly from your browser and not even have to go to Blogger.com.
It installs a little notepad button at the status bar of the browser which you can call up anytime. Then just type away. The only hassle I can see right now is you can just insert pics as easily as you could in Blogger, since you need to link it to a URL or upload it to their ftp.
Nifty enough for quick posting.
Firefox has this little add-on called Performancing which allows you to blog directly from your browser and not even have to go to Blogger.com.
It installs a little notepad button at the status bar of the browser which you can call up anytime. Then just type away. The only hassle I can see right now is you can just insert pics as easily as you could in Blogger, since you need to link it to a URL or upload it to their ftp.
Nifty enough for quick posting.
powered by performancing firefox
Thursday, November 02, 2006
ball me
2006-07 NBA SeasonWhat, there's still an NBA??
Forgive me, the NFL is just too riveting to take my focus off. Not to mention the TV shows and movies I keep downloading and barely watch. And the comicbooks I download but barely read. And the podcasts that I can barely keep up with. And the magazines that come through the mail. Plus there's this thing called work ...
So anyway, with the new season kicking off ominously with the passing of basketball and Boston legend Red Auerbach, I resolve to try to check scores and skim articles here and there through the year. With so much information overload (gone are the days of Basketball Digest and Slam), its hard to find stories about the league that make good reading, or at least find them in consistent places, and the time to enjoy them. Also, the frenetic pace of the games doesn't allow me to digest each game like I would football (its own weekly pace is already too fast, too furious). Last year, I think I sleepwalked through the NBA regular season and paid attention only when the playoffs rolled around. At least two of my picks went to the Finals (but I was rooting for Dallas).
The season started last night, and the New York Knicks, now coached by Isiah "What, Me Worry?" Thomas, promptly blew a 19-point lead and managed to win by 1 in 3 OTs. I guess that already made the bottom line for owner James Dolan, and that means fans will have to endure another season of Thomas (that leech) If by chance he saves his job by having this mediocre team overachieve and make the playoffs (just like he did in Indiana), woe to the suffering masses (including me, since I may be "forced" to watch a game at MSG at some point). Thomas will not win a championship with the Knicks.
So, once again, for the next 6 to 8 months, if I remember to, I'd be rooting for (in no particular order) ...
EAST:
New Jersey Nets - N,E,T,S, Nets, Nets, Nets!
Miami Heat - DWade just keeps winning people over.
Indiana Pacers - here we go again?
Chicago Bulls - overpaid Big Ben, but should get them far.
Cleveland Cavs - anybody seen The LeBrons commercials?
Orlando Magic - Dwight Howard is a monster; here's hoping Grant Hill is injury-free.
WEST:
Phoenix Suns - Nash+Amare+Matrix+Diaw=Finals?
Utah Jazz - trade Boozer, please.
Houston Rockets - TMac+Yao+Battier=improvement? Health is question mark.
Dallas Mavericks - please, Mark Cuban, sit down and shut up.
L.A. Clippers - I like EB and anything to spite Kobe.
Minnesota Timberwolves - here's hoping KG doesn't retire without a ring.
i'll say it again ... yeah, yeah, I like a lot of teams, so what? :-P
All the men I've seen with mohawks (especially the spiky version) are 99% gay, so when African-American athletes sport it as well, it just seems ... weird.
Prodigal Pacer Al Harrington vs Bengal WR Chad Johnson (a.k.a. Ocho Cinco)
(oh, and by the way, there's a new ball. would the old balls go for half-price at KMart or fetch a fortune on eBay?)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
