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You are who you are for a reason
You're part of an intricate plan
You're a precious and perfect unique design
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason
Our God made no mistake
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He choose,
And no matter how you may feel
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind
And they bear the Master's seal.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God.

- Russel Kelfer

One of the God-given attributes of those nearing the sunset of their lives is the ability to find joy in reminiscence ... looking back to the 'good old days.' Somehow in the life of a person or a nation, there is what we lovingly remember as 'the Halcyon Days of Youth.'

In my case for instance, whenever I come across a person whom I have not seen in ages, and by chance, he surprisingly exclaims, "why, you have not aged so much", he won't expect me to reply, "Nagparetoke ako, no!". I simply say, "I have a happy childhood." Or sometimes I also say "I have a much younger wife, so I have to keep up with the Joneses."

But what was in this childhood that I loved to recall and talk about? It was a childhood full of simple joys. Simple, because our life revolved only around our simple needs. And when such needs are met, our pleasure is immeasurable. Our wants were also simple because they are all what Heaven allows us to yearn for. I guess that if they were more than that, I would have been so frustrated and unhappy if they were not met.

It seems that even at a young age, my life was guided by the precept found in Ecclisiastes 12:19

Rejoice, young man, in your youth and may your heart give you joy when you are young; follow your desires and achieve your ambitions but recall that God will take account of all you do.

To come from a poor family may not be a badge of honor to those who are richly endowed with material possessions. Yet at an early age, I discovered that those who have less in life are more appreciative of any act of thoughtfulness. They also are more keen and receptive to values like self-denial or self-sacrifice. I could vividly recall for instance, how our parents, who were but elementary and secondary school undergraduates, toiled hard to provide our basic needs; how they struggled to keep their self-respect and not run to my paternal grandparents who were considerably self-sufficient by local standards; how my mother, who was then a housewife-seamstress, considered it as her parental obligation to have her children "pa-Kodak" during our birthdays, even if it meant digging deep in her shallow pocket to do this; that when there isn't enough viands in the table for the family, she will forego sharing it with us and just content herself eating only rice, diluting it with drinking water in order to make swallowing easier.

This was in the late 30s, the so-called "prewar days" which the now-elderly Filipinos, nostalgically remember as a time when our country was like a paradise on earth. But those idyllic years of our childhood were suddenly and rudely interrupted by the Japanese occupation which saw families being dislocated, with some always on the run, fearful of what the invaders had in store for them. We were somewhat luckier since our grandparents have a farm where we evacuated to. It was only 3 kilometers away from the town proper of Mabalacat, Pampanga, the town where I was born and grew up.

Since Mabalacat is the site of Clark Field (now Clark Airbase), we were ringside spectators of aerial skirmishes between the American and Japanese warplanes and the occasional but dangerous encounters between the Hukbalahap guerillas and Japanese patrols.

During all these whiles, our youthful eyes were witnesses to the good and the dark side of humans, as droves of hungry relatives (or so-called relatives) usually dropped by to ask for rice from our grandparents, and starving men risking stealing from the Japanese warehouses or were stealthily ratooning young palay grains to survive. Then there was that team of Japanese radio operators who occupied a part of our house. Contrary to popular notion then, the Japanese were polite and treated us courteously despite being our "enemies."

The post-World War saw me struggling through school as an average student. Young as I was then, I already felt that yearning or desire in me to help my family earn something even just for my school allowance. So during weekends, I peddled popcorn and popsicles in remote barangays. Later, I worked as a paid sacristan in our parish church till I graduated from high school. I was paid the measly amount of P20.00 per month, but the windfall came in the form of new-found confidence in myself and a wider circle of acquaintances.

It's the same overriding concern to help my parents who have no regular income that also drove me to seek employment right after graduation from college. That move effectively removed from practicing my profession as a lawyer. So, as I ponder on the course that my life has taken, I conclude that sometime a person can hardly control his destiny because he has not planned his life. I became a lawyer chiefly upon the prodding of my late grandfather who was enamored with the prospect of having a lawyer in the family since he has already an engineer and a prospective doctor. I deferred to his wish because he was my financial guarantor for finishing my course. But then as God's creations, we are given our own skills to be used in the way he sees it proper. God gave me a small does of talent for writing, which I never had the chance to develop professionally however. So I settled for a calling more at home. "At home" means being with people I could identify my roots with; people who are not in a position to demand from me, but to whom I am in the position to share what little talent and resource I have, or serve them unselfishly regardless of station in life.

A good part of my life was spent in government service, and in almost all of it, in supervising people. But that is not what gave me the "high." If at all, it just put me at a vantage point to see the face of humanity in my subordinates, including their families. Specially rewarding was 20 years of work with the Parole and Probation Administration. My job gave me the rare opportunity of touching base and changing the lives of people who have offended society, but which God loves so much because they are repentant and they have learned to rediscover their role in society and in their communities. In those people, I saw Christ because they are poor and disadvantaged, and they suffered.

And as I try to find a reason for these twists and turns in life, I found it in Psalm 139:13, 15-16.

It was you who formed my inmost part and knit me together in my mother's womb; even my bones were known to you when I was being formed in secret, your eyes saw the course of my days: they were all recorded in your Book before any of them came to be.

My kind of job routine gave me ample time to dabble in small-time business as a way of giving vent to my childhood inclination. With whatever capital money I managed to scrimp, I tried my hand in venturing into the barbershop operation, flower pot manufacturing and other pioneering enterprises, some of which their time had not yet come to the place where I put them up. Some succeeded. Some failed. But in every instance, I got that highly gratifying feeling that I reached out for my stars while keeping my feet planted to the ground. And I was motivated purely by my desire to blaze a trail, and not be a 'gaya-gaya', and provide employment to those deserving of my help.

But of course, the most serious undertaking I have done in my life is the business of living - raising a family. While others may consider living a real struggle, I look at it more as a pilgrimage into the unknown, in the sense that you don't really know what will happen along the way. This pilgrimage is unlike a safari or expedition where one looks for a big catch at the bend of the river or a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It is never a quest for fortune where in the end I expect to amass enough riches to leave to my children. Instead, I saw life as an adventure, or a joint venture with my family to search for and pick up values that are worth keeping; to explore the human mind and the world for whatever it can offer - say, a compass - to help us steer our life toward our ultimate destination. Hopefully, my children have somehow imbibed knowledge, experience, and wisdom from us, their parents, to prepare them when they embark on their separate lives. For me, this is the best legacy I could leave to them.

Today, my only child from my first marriage, and my daughter from my second are now through with their studies and are now working. Our third child will be graduating this year. Time marched so fast that it seems it was only yesterday when we were playing with them as toddlers. Just the thought that we seemingly breezed through the saga of rearing and educating our children is more than enough to compensate for the loss of the company of my family, who are all staying in Manila while I was left alone in our house here in Tuguegarao. Others may find it odd that a retiree like me is spending his sunset years away from his family. Ironically, my wife and I have found the set-up tolerable enough since we both believe we have separate "missions" to accomplish: she, to oversee the studies of our two kids, and I, to enjoy life that I have always cherished - the life in the country.

Speaking of "mission," it is not that I really prefer to stay around in the province and while away my time like any retiree who needs a well-deserved rest.

In his book "The Purpose Driven Life", Rick Warren states that we are all made for a mission. He says that God wants us to have both a ministry in the body of Christ, and a mission is our service to the non-believers. Many of us often ask 'what is my purpose in the world?' Those who have profound faith in God claim that God has His own unique plan for us. As to what that plan is, it is for us to discover by piecing up the events taking place in our lives. Our role is only to listen and heed His call.

If I will be allowed to play back the reels of my life, it would appear that I have just coasted along (or 'floated with' so to speak) in life by allowing God to take me where He wants me to go. So while it is but human to dream and plot a goal as per your ambition, I contented myself with just trying to make use of whatever God has given me. The fact that my classmates and contemporaries have scaled the pinnacle of material success and power, I never put up a stake on that kind of achievement. And I never regretted it because I have long accepted the fact that I was meant to be what I am now, quietly going about what I perceived to be God's assignment for me.

For instance, one day some weeks after my retirement, while I was in my small private office, it just dawned on me to consider the putting up of a computer school. Since the market for such a business in Tuguegarao was already crowded, i thought of locating it in Aparri, Cagayan. Initially, it was a one-man task with all-by-my-lonesome doing all the organizational spade works, like looking for a building space, recruiting instructors and clerks, and advertising the business.

Since I have no relatives in that place, I had to make one-day round trips to Aparri to avoid staying in hotels - something I could not well afford considering that I have limited capital to start with. And when I finally found a small place to rent, a newly-hired assistant and me contented ourselves with sleeping on our backs on the cold tiled floor of the building we rented. I was thinking then that if my wife discovered what we were going through, she would have dissuaded me from pursuing that missionary-like venture. In time, the pieces have fallen in their places. After 2 years of existence, the enterprise found its direction. Slowly but gradually, I realized that God had put me in there and assigned me that mission for others. At the outset, I made it clear to my co-workers that education is a social mission. So while I don't get much financial reward, I am hardly bothered with headaches caused by unreasonable demands for wage increases from my workers. My reward comes from inner satisfaction that I have given employment to the people there, even if only with modest salaries, and that I am providing access to education among the low-income families in that area, even if only on short-term courses.

In my moment of solitude and prayer, I say to the Lord, "I trained to become a lawyer but you made me an employee and a businessman. I did not train to be an educator but now you imbued me with the fire to help provide skills and training to the young." So I ask Him that if this is His will, He should give me the passion and wisdom to go on with it until the last day of my life.

I find strength and enlightenment in Jeremiah 29:11:

For I know what my plans for you are: plans to save you and not to harm you, plans to give your future and to give you hope.

In every person's lifetime, there are landmark occasions or momentous decisions that alter the course of his life. Often, it's either graduating with honors from the academe, or getting married to a rich woman, or winning in a lottery, or perhaps being convicted of a crime. Most often, they are victories that call for a celebration or a perpetuation in the annals in one's family history.

In my case, there are two events that I do not celebrate but which I honor with endless thanksgiving to God. The first was when I was but a week-or-so old infant boy who suffered an infection in the umbilical cord. There were no hospitals or clinics or on-call doctors at that time. Time was already running out on me, and my relatives were helpless in trying to save me. The only recourse left was to call for a priest to baptize me ... so at least I could be a Christian angel if I go. Miraculously, I survived. Possibly, this is what the old folks called a "second life." If we were to go by that, then this is my second life ... and a blessed life indeed! All throughout my sojourn in this world, God has always spared me from severe trials like serious illnesses or accidents from constant travelling, or a tragedy or scandal in the family. All indications point to my staying around for a long, long time more. Of course, this is but wishful thinking since only the Lord has the final say on that.

The second momentous chapter of my life is joining the Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals (BCBP). Nothing extraordinary about that, you might say. But I heard that God works in ordinary ways to make extraordinary things. Sometimes too God wants something from us which our human minds cannot easily discern until He makes it happen. What happened to me one ordinary day in my life is one such act of God. I was attending an activity or program in my child's school when I happened to sit with Brother J.C. He whispered that he was inviting me to attend a breakfast at a local restaurant, without explaining what it was all about. I dared not ask for details because the program was then in progress, and it wasn't proper to be displaying inattentiveness during our children's affairs.

When Bro. J.C. followed up his invitation over the phone, I did not give much thought to it since he was not elaborating anyway and the dates he cited coincided with my other appointments. Persistence paid off as Bro. J.C., after 3 calls, managed to convince me to attend the BCBP breakfast meeting where I paid my meal despite his protestations. In the two succeeding meetings, I didn't take my breakfast as I did not yet know the rules. In fact, I felt some sort of misgiving on what fate awaits me there.

But God truly works in mysterious ways. I came in at a time when CLP No. 7 was about to start such that the fire of my curiosity was again stoked. So I went along with the program until Commitment Day when I was tasked to react or give my group's impression on that exercise. Perhaps I was too vocal about my own personal impression that it somewhat disturbed, or even alarmed, the elders over the wisdom of inviting me into the community. In the weeks that followed however, I discovered something that forever changed my outlook in life. That discovery is the Bible, and I now see Christ in a much broader light. I see Him both exacting and forgiving at the same time. He said in Luke 9:23 "if anyone wishes to come with me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." I imagined, as I read this, of persecutions and tragedies. But now I realized that our day-to-day sufferings are our own crosses. Though seemingly ordinary, these crosses become special when we carry them without complaining and we offer them with the cross of Jesus. And while I concede that Jesus' standards for discipleship is difficult to follow in our times and millieu, I am slowly realizing that placing my trust in Him and trying to live His words have already their own reward - life seems less difficult despite economically-trying times.

Let me lift a passage from Warren's book - "A young man in his twenties wrote, I feel like a failure because I am struggling to become something, and I dont even know what it is. All I know how to do is to get by. Someday, if I discover my purpose, I'll feel I am beginning to live."

That "someday" for me, is here because I began to live. Slowly, I am discovering my purpose, and that purpose is to do in this world what God has ordained me to do. I can do no less if ever I should give meaning to and express my gratitude for what the Lord has given me, like -

My having been born to humble and simple parents, whose sense of values were handed down to me;
That He never gave me more than what I really need lest I would not be a good model for my children;
That while He did not give me the gift of superior intelligence, he has given me good health, physically and mentally;
That despite my age, He never allowed my idealism to desert me, and He let me see that each new day is a brighter tomorrow;
That he has provided me with responsible children, thereby sparing me from the headaches that accelerate aging;
That He has led me to the BCBP, and the bible, which sheds light on the meaning of life;
That because of this I was given the gift of forgiveness which contributed to my peace of mind and allowed to embrace a less complicated life;
That I learned to be more generous of what little resources I have and I am extra trusting of people whose problems I understand, even to the point of being "recklessly foolish."

Brothers and sisters, the life story you just heard cannot qualify as a masterpiece. Still, for those who have not listened well enough, I am just as eager to repeat it. No, not in its entirety ... but only in one paragraph.

My life is one that tries to adhere closely to the cardinal rules, the basic precepts, as very well captured in the writings of business guru Og Mandino. He says:

Look up. Reach out. Remember that very little is needed to make a happy life.

Cling simply to God and journey quietly on your pathway to forever with charity and smile.

When you depart, it will be said by all that your legacy was a better world than the one you found.

I started this witnessing with reminiscence. More than the poignant memories of my bygone days which I really relish, I childlikely discovered that reminiscing is also praying ... a prayer to magnify the goodness of the Lord in our life. Praise the Lord!

SHALOM.

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My father's life testimonial, January 2005

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

headless chicken tikka massala

joe q. average

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Warning

Friday, August 26, 2005

with teeth

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Legacy

the future is now

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Thursday, August 04, 2005

ang pagbabalik

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

ID

Time Capsule

Cables

a stream of bad pictures